


Quid Pro Quo

by OswinWatson



Category: American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, ah this sort of got out of hand, someone take my computer away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:38:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OswinWatson/pseuds/OswinWatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eliza approaches Hamilton with an interesting proposition, John Laurens is head over heels in love, Washington reevaluates his personal life, and Burr finds a friend in an unlikely place.</p><p>Or, what the broadway musical would have looked like if Hamilton and Laurens had gotten their shit together sooner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quid Pro Quo

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this just happened one day. I was thinking about what Hamilton would have looked like if Laurens had been the love interest instead of Eliza. And then I just couldn't stop thinking about it, so this happened. It basically follows the timeline proposed by the soundtrack, with a few liberties taken of course. (I'd also like to thank my wonderful friends for encouraging me and leaving hilariously unhelpful comments on this along the way)
> 
> [Warning: Brief mention of dub con about halfway through]

Alexander sat in a dim bar next to Burr. “I’d like to thank you for the drink, sir.”

Burr waved his hand in the air dismissively. “Please, dispense with the niceties. I’d like to think that we could become friends.”

Alexander nodded excitedly and sipped his drink. Burr had been pleasant enough and everything about New York still felt foreign to him. The dirt beneath his shoes and the mist in the air clung to him heavily. He felt like New York was trying to attach itself to him, convince him it was where he belonged. Here he sat in a grimy bar with a relative stranger, contemplating the course of his life and everything that had brought him to this exact moment. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and he turned to face the man next to him. Burr’s eyes were warm and they reminded him of his mother’s. He felt as if Burr understood that, too.

“Do not fret, Alexander. You will prove that you’re worth more than anyone bargained for. Just have patience. New York will begin to feel like home soon enough.”

Hamilton felt his breath leave him. He felt as if all his secrets were laid bare in front of Burr. He seemed to know instinctively how Alexander was feeling simply from the way he stared into his drink and filled his lungs with heavy breaths.

“You know too much, Burr. It must be quite a skill to be able to read people like you do.”

Burr heaved a sigh and let his hand fall from Hamilton’s shoulder. Alexander noticed the missing weight immediately.

“It is not intuition perhaps so much as experience. I have been where you are sitting now, Alexander. You would do well not to forget that."

Hamilton nodded again and felt his hands twitch. He was tired of this relative listlessness. He wanted to scream and shout the things in his head until the whole world understood how he felt. Instead he restrained himself. He had a feeling Burr would not appreciate the outburst.

“I am sorry. Sometimes I speak without first contemplating the idea,” he admitted quietly.

Burr shook his head gingerly. “That is something you will learn, Alexander. Speak less than you know, have more than you show. If you talk less and smile more, you will find plenty more open doors.”

“I’d like to disagree, Burr. You can’t build anything on top of hidden truths. Eventually they will be exposed and the whole structure will fail.”

Burr laughed softly. “You have a lot to learn, Alexander.” He pointed at the crowd of men entering the bar. “Here, I will prove it to you. Watch those men.”

Alexander followed the direction of his finger to a group of three men. One of them caught his eye right away. He exhaled sharply and tried to draw his attention away from the man with beautiful eyes and smooth skin and laughter etched into his features. His gaze fell on the tallest man, big and burly but handsome in his own way. And lastly on an elegant gentleman. He looked stately but hardly subdued. Like he was just bursting with energy that he couldn’t wait to let out. _Looks like Lancelot, a knight in shining armor,_ Hamilton thought fondly. They walked up to Burr and sat next to them while they waited to be served their drinks.

One at a time, they reached a hand out to Alexander and introduced themselves. The smaller man with the drop dead gorgeous eyes went first. He held a hand out to Alexander and introduced himself as John Laurens. Hamilton desperately didn’t want to let go of his hand. Judging from the smile just barely hidden behind Laurens' eyes, John was well aware. But the moment passed and they dropped their hands. Lafayette went next. He smirked at Hamilton and offered his hand as well. Hercules Mulligan forewent the handshake and pulled Hamilton into a crushing hug.

“Hello, Burr. I hope you’re not teaching this bright little thing to keep his mouth shut like you,” Lafayette accused lightly.

Hamilton shook his head and stood. “He can try and educate me all he wants but there are some lessons I just won’t listen to.” He put a hand on Burr’s shoulder and smiled back at him fondly.

The group cheered and Laurens passed him another beer. Hamilton took it eagerly and smiled as their fingers brushed. He leaned forward next to John’s ear.

“I hope you’re not trying to get me drunk,” he joked.

Laurens looked back at him with an odd seriousness in his eyes. “Maybe that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”

Hamilton felt his heart stop for a second as he grasped what Laurens was implying. He grabbed Laurens by the wrist to steady himself and keep all the beer in his mug. John took the opportunity to wind their fingers together and squeeze.

Lafayette called to them from the other side of the bar where the group had settled at a table and Laurens extracted his hand as easily as he put it there and made his way to the other side, leaving Hamilton to follow dazedly after him. John’s fingers slid against the small of his back as he passed and Hamilton felt himself begin to sweat. They sat next to each other at the table and Hamilton felt oddly safe next to Laurens. In fact, these new people were lively and exciting. Hamilton felt at home with them, more than he had with Burr despite how much they had in common. The four of them talked up a storm while Burr sat quietly in the corner. The excited nature of his friends didn’t upset him, he just preferred to be more subdued about his opinions.

By the end of the night, everyone but Burr was completely drunk. They all stumbled outside into the dimly lit streets well past midnight. For a second no one spoke and then Lafayette looked curiously between Hamilton and Laurens.

“I think I will make sure Herc gets home safely, we live close enough anyway.”

Herc was too tired to protest. Lafayette looked pointedly at Laurens like he was trying to signal something. Eventually Hamilton noticed that John’s cheeks were flushed deep red. He looked over at Lafayette just in time to catch his salacious wink at Laurens. Hamilton had to use all his control to not blush as well.

Burr put a hand on Hamilton’s shoulder. “Be safe, Alexander,” he said before turning and leaving him and Laurens alone in the street.

Laurens hooked his arm into Hamilton’s and started to drag him forward drunkenly.

“Come on, Alex. Let’s go home.”

Hamilton didn’t protest at the contact, in fact he leaned into it. “I’m afraid I can’t, Laurens. I didn’t arrange for a place to stay tonight, I must head back to the university. I only came to have a drink with Burr, after all.”

“No, no,” Laurens protested. “It’s more than an hour by carriage and no one will take you at this late an hour. I’m afraid you must come stay with me.”

Hamilton thought carefully about declining and finding a nice inn to sleep in for the night but one glance at Laurens pink-flushed cheeks and he couldn’t help but agree.

Laurens smiled brightly at him. “Good, good. You’ll like my bed. It’s nice.”

Hamilton giggled and batted away Laurens hands that were trying to tug at his collar.

“Laurens, I have a feeling that you will be the death of me.”

John leaned into Hamilton and smiled against his shoulder. They half stumbled, half walked the rest of the way down the street to John’s house. When they finally pushed their way inside, John went straight for the bed. Hamilton followed behind him, feeling his way through the dark. John basically threw himself onto the mattress and when he noticed Hamilton hesitating, he grabbed the man by his coat and yanked him down roughly. Hamilton all but fell on top of John. He tried to protest but John simply put a hand over his mouth to quiet him and rolled out from under him.

“Take that coat off right now, Alexander,” Laurens said urgently.

Hamilton pulled the coat off without questioning, but his mind felt slow from the alcohol. Hamilton tugged his boots off and leaned over to throw John’s off, too. Now just in pants and undershirts, they finally tucked themselves under the blankets and rolled into each other. Laurens tucked his face against Hamilton’s shoulder and breathed deeply. Hamilton wrapped his arms around Laurens and let one of his hands run through John’s hair. They could smell the alcohol on each other’s breath and the smell filled the room.

John looked up at Alexander through his eyelashes. “I’m tired, Alexander.”

Alexander smiled down at the small man tucked against his chest. “Then sleep, Laurens. You seem comfortable enough.”

Laurens pulled himself tighter against Hamilton and did exactly that.

++++

The next morning, Hamilton opened his eyes to see rays of sunlight filtering in through the cracks in the blinds. He looked down to see them casting a warm glow on the body next to him. Laurens was shifting sleepily and Hamilton smiled down at him. His head was killing him though and his mouth felt like something died in it, so although he desperately did not want to disturb his sleeping friend, he carefully extracted himself from John’s embrace and slipped out of bed. He rinsed his mouth out in the sink and made his way quietly to the kitchen. Briefly he thought about the possibility that Laurens might take it as a slight for him to be using his home without his permission or knowledge, but the thought left as quickly as it came. After all, Laurens didn’t seem to have any problem sharing last night.

He had just finished making two mugs of very strong tea when Laurens stumbled into the kitchen. He basically fell on top of Hamilton as he grabbed his head and moaned. Alexander gave him a gentle pat on the back and forced the mug of tea into his hands. John’s eyes lit up and he looked like his was about two second away from asking Hamilton to fuck him right there. But then he turned away and walked over to the table to take a seat. Hamilton sat across from him and tangled their feet together under the table. He passed the morning paper to John but Laurens just shoved it off the table.

“It’s too early for that shit, Alexander.”

Hamilton laughed but left the paper where it was. “Since I have no reason to go back to the university just yet, I thought that maybe I could stay in town a little longer.”

Laurens nodded in agreement. “Yes, I must insist actually. I have quite a day planned for us. Quite a few days if you’d be so kind as to offer them to me.”

Hamilton leaned forward and grabbed John by the arm. “My dear Laurens, you can have it all, of course.”

John smiled sleepily into his mug of tea. Hamilton let his arm fall back down by his side and simply observed Laurens as he struggled to lift his mug. Eventually Laurens set the mug down.

“Fuck this, we’re going out. Get dressed, Alexander.”

Hamilton gave him a half-hearted salute. “Of course, _dear._ But I only have my clothes from last night.”

They both knew that no one would care or even notice if he wore the same clothes as he did last night. In fact the practice was commonplace. But there was something in Alexander’s voice as he said it that sounded like a challenge. He was practically daring Laurens to offer up his wardrobe to him.

Sensing the challenge, Laurens waved dismissively. “Wear some of mine. And make it something pretty, too. I’ll be so melancholic today if I had to witness you in anything less than perfection.”

Hamilton shook his head and walked back into the bedroom. “Come and help me pick something out then.”

Laurens followed him into the room and sat on the bed while Hamilton held up different coats. He leaned back at the bed and pointed at the navy coat with white trim in Hamilton’s right hand.

“Wear that. It goes well with your eyes.”

Hamilton shrugged the coat on without protest and twirled around in it. Laurens smiled up at him from the bed.

“If you keep doing that, I’m going to have to pull you down here with me and finish what we started last night.”

Hamilton stared at Laurens in shock for a long second. John kept his gaze firmly locked on Alexander’s blushing face. Then Hamilton shook his head and sat next to Laurens on the bed lightly. He rested his hand against Laurens’ and laced their fingers together. He kept his eyes purposefully focused on their entwined hands.

“That sort of talk is unbecoming of a gentleman,” he said quietly.

Laurens untangled their hands and grabbed Hamilton by his coat, pushing him down unto the bed. Alexander’s eyes shone bright, full of surprise and barely subdued excitement. Slowly, Laurens shifted until he was straddling Alexander, their chests barely not touching. He put his mouth by Hamilton’s ear and Alexander could feel the soft movement of every breath he took.

“Maybe I don’t want to be a gentleman, Alexander. Maybe I just want you,” he whispered into Hamilton’s ear. He lingered there, pressing his lips against Alexander’s neck. Hamilton shivered and grabbed Laurens’ chin, forcing John to look him in the eyes.

“Laurens,” he said forcefully, “I am all yours.”

John smiled and leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Alexander’s mouth. Hamilton licked his lips slowly in anticipation. Laurens could see the desire brimming in his eyes like he had so many other things. Alexander’s eyes were the truest window to his mind. They were beautiful, they held no secrets. Laurens pulled back though and let his hands fall flat again Hamilton’s chest. He slid off the bed and offered a hand to a disappointed Hamilton.

“I would like you to know that I desperately want to fuck you right now.”

Hamilton blinked up at Laurens and looked as if he were about to protest.

“Unfortunately,” he said, silencing Alexander before he had a chance to speak, “we have an appointment to keep.”

Alexander stared at John’s proffered hand for another second before taking it and hauling himself out of bed. Laurens pulled him in close and pressed an insistent kiss to his lips. He pulled back before Hamilton could process what was going on.

“Don’t worry. I fully intend to finish what I started,” he said, smiling. Hamilton reached up and held the side of his face, thumb stroking over John’s cheek and eyes wide with limitless fondness.

“I look forward to it greatly,” he said, but it sounded strained, like he was trying to force propriety into a place where it shouldn’t be.

Laurens smiled knowingly and squeezed Hamilton’s shoulder. “Come on, if we don’t leave now we’ll be late,” he said, leading a dazed Hamilton through the kitchen and out the door.

They met up with Lafayette and Herc in the town square. Lafayette took one look at Alexander’s clothes and the slightly rumpled look each of them displayed and raised his eyebrows, looking between the two of them.

“I see you two have had an eventful night,” he said pleasantly.

Laurens slapped him playfully on the shoulder. “I think you forget yourself, Lafayette. Alexander and I have only just been acquainted, you know.”

Lafayette merely shook his head. “You may think me too French because of it, _mon ami,_ but I believe that love at first sight is a powerful thing.”

Laurens smiled tightly and glanced around to make sure no one else had heard. They had to be careful; not everyone was as accepting as Lafayette. The Frenchman rolled his eyes anyway and led them over to where Hercules and Hamilton had begun to discuss something. Herc smiled brightly when he saw Laurens and pulled him eagerly into the fray.

“I was just explaining the plan to Alexander,” he said. “I’ve been trying to explain to him what an asshole that Samuel Seabury over there is.”

Laurens laughed and put a hand on Hamilton’s shoulder. “You’ll see soon enough, Alexander. We want you to debate with him. Pricks like him only get listened to because no one tries to bring them to task. We need you to dispute this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him.”

Hamilton nodded. “Let’s do it,” he said. Laurens could see that he was thrumming with pent up energy. He looked into Alexander’s eyes and found happiness and excitement. He wanted to be able to make Alexander feel those things, too.

The debate went spectacularly. Seabury ran away crying like the little fucker he was and Alexander looked simply blissful. Lafayette and Herc asked them out for celebratory drinks but Laurens simply waved them away.

“Maybe tomorrow, friends. However, tonight, Alexander and I have some business to attend to.”

Laurens didn’t even care that he could hear their snide laughter from the other side of the park. In public, he and Alexander tried to manage some sense of propriety. They didn’t touch as much as they would have liked and in crowds they kept the innuendos to a minimum, but on the walk home if their shoulders brushed a little too often, neither one of them mentioned it.

When Hamilton walked inside Laurens’ tiny house, he immediately headed for the bedroom. Laurens followed him with a knowing smile. By the time Laurens caught up, Hamilton was already sitting on the edge of the bed, unlacing his boots. He looked up at Laurens through his eyelashes.

“You know, Laurens,” he began with a suppressed smile, “I think I’m feeling too tired tonight. We should just sleep.”

Laurens, already halfway through undressing himself, jumped forward and pinned Alexander to the bed. It was quickly becoming one of his favorite activities.

“Fuck you, Alexander,” he grumbled as he tipped Hamilton’s head back and took his lips in his own.

Hamilton smiled into the kiss and hummed in pleasure. “Well only because you make such a persuasive argument.”

He grabbed Laurens by the shoulders and flipped him over so that they were in the center of the bed. Laurens was already missing his coat and pants but Alexander was still almost completely dressed. He shrugged out of his own undershirt and Hamilton made an appreciative noise at the sight of his bare chest. Laurens decided that it wasn’t fair that Hamilton was still so covered up.

“Take your fucking coat off, Alexander,” he growled into his ear. Hamilton went wide eyed at his forceful tone of voice but did immediately as he was asked. Laurens tugged at his undershirt and Hamilton obligingly stripped it off.

They were both left on the bed, panting, only wearing pants. Alexander’s hands fumbled for a second against Laurens’ chest and when he locked eyes with John, Laurens could see the fear in them. John pressed his mouth up against Alexander’s insistently.

“It’s okay, Alexander. It’s okay,” he said, repeating himself until he felt Hamilton begin to relax beneath his fingers.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Alexander whispered into the warm skin of John’s shoulder. “I want this, I promise, I just...” he took a shaky breath and blinked back a wave of tears.

Laurens pulled Alexander tightly against him and dug his fingers into the tight muscles of his back. Slowly, he raised one hand to the back of Alexander’s head and ran his fingers through his thick black hair.

“Alexander. Listen to me.” He pulled himself down so that Hamilton could curl into his chest and still look him in the eyes. “If you aren’t ready for this, it’s okay. There will be other days.”

When Alexander remained silent except for his stuttering breaths, Laurens detached himself from the trembling Hamilton and gingerly rolled him until he was laying face-up on the mattress.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, breathing heavily and staring down at Hamilton.

“I’ve only known you for a single day, Laurens,” Alexander responded. His voice was shaky and it made John’s heart break. He squeezed Hamilton’s shoulders and smoothed a hand down his chest softly. Alexander’s breath stuttered for a different reason.

Laurens licked his lips slowly. “Alexander. Do you trust me?” He asked again, softer but more forceful this time.

Alexander stared up at the man looming over him. Soft eyes, lips red and swollen from being kissed--from being kissed by Alexander. He knew it shouldn’t feel so right, to look up at Laurens and want the world from him, and to know that Laurens would give it to him, too.

“Yes, Laurens. Of course. I trust you forever and always.”

John smiled widely and squeezed Alexander’s hand before sliding off the mattress. He smoothed Alexander’s hair into place with gentle fingers.

“I will be back in a minute, my love,” he said softly, running his fingers down Alexander’s cheek. Hamilton nodded and John turned away to leave the room. Hamilton could hear him doing something in the kitchen for several minutes. He stayed in bed where Laurens had left him and stared up at the ceiling. He felt awful. All he wanted was to give Laurens everything but he had barely arrived in New York. Everything was still so new to him. Just days ago he had no hopes of even finding friends much less finding someone like Laurens. He wiped at his eyes in the hopes that Laurens wouldn’t notice he had been crying in his absence. But Laurens would see right through it, he always seemed to. It was like Laurens could look into Alexander’s eyes and read every thought that poured out of his brain.

Laurens entered the room after a moment and with one glance at Alexander he quickly set the mugs down that were in his hands and rushed over to the bedside. He knelt down in front of Alexander and pressed his hands against Hamilton’s cheeks.

“Don’t cry, love. There’s no need for that. Sometimes things just happen, and that’s okay. We’ll be okay, Alexander.” He reached over and ran his thumbs across Hamilton’s flushed cheeks. “I’m going to give you some tea, okay? I think you need it.” Hamilton nodded and John stood up to get the mugs.

He settled next to Alexander on the mattress and handed him his tea. They sipped in silence for several minutes before Laurens heard Hamilton get his breathing under control. When he slid a hand across Hamilton’s chest, he didn’t tense up. He looked over at John questioningly. Laurens set his mug down on the bedside table.

“I have an idea, Alexander. You’ll have to trust me.”

Hamilton smiled weakly and set his mug down, too. “Anything.”

John slid off the mattress again and unbuttoned his pants. He slid out of them and folded them up. Alexander looked at him skeptically. “Trust me?” Laurens reminded him.

Alexander nodded and slid out of bed, too. He followed Laurens’ lead and stepped out of his pants, folding them and placing them on top of John’s.

“Okay,” Laurens started, hands up placatingly. He walked over to Alexander and placed his hands flat against his chest. “I want you to breathe for me. I promise, no sex tonight.”

Alexander smiled tightly and nodded. Laurens slid his hands down until they sat on Hamilton’s waist. He used his thumbs to dip below the waistband of his underwear. Hamilton shivered and placed his hands on Laurens’ shoulders to steady himself. John locked eyes with Alexander as pulled his underwear off swiftly. Then he kept his eyes steady as he did the same to his own underwear. Alexander was breathing heavily and John smiled softly, pulling his head down for a kiss.

“Get in bed, won’t you, Alexander?” He asked quietly against Hamilton’s mouth. John gently guided him down onto the mattress, completely pliant. John followed him down and moved their bodies until they were completely lined up. He reached down and pulled the covers up.

“You seem tired, Alexander. You should sleep,” he said into Hamilton’s ear.

Hamilton turned so that he was facing Laurens. He tucked his face against the soft skin of his bare chest and listened to his heart beat. “I don’t want to sleep, Laurens. I want this to last forever and I never want to forget one second.”

Laurens smoothed a hand through Hamilton’s air. He pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“You might just get your wish. You’ll find that I am very hard to get rid of. Sleep now, there will be other days for this.”

Hamilton nodded and settled against Laurens’ chest.

“I’ve known you for a single day, Laurens. My biggest regret in life is that I did not meet you sooner. I love you more than I should, I am sure.”

Laurens tightened his grip on Hamilton and wiped tears from his eyes.

“Oh Alexander. Don’t let anyone tell you how much you should love someone. If someone told me that it was wrong to love you, I’d punch them in the face. Just fuck ‘em up real bad. Because you matter and they don’t.”

When Hamilton didn’t respond he looked down at the man. His breathing was even and his eyes were shut. He wanted to be upset but his heart warmed at the sight of Alexander blissfully asleep.

++++

Hamilton woke to the sight of Laurens packing a bag of clothes. He sat upright in bed as soon as he realized what was going on. He almost stood up until he realized that he was still naked from last night. Laurens looked up and smiled fondly at the bleary eyed Hamilton in his bed.

“Oh relax, Alexander. You can’t hide your glorious nakedness from me forever.”

Nevertheless, he reluctantly looked away as Alexander slipped out of bed and pulled on his underwear from off the floor. Alexander came and stood behind him, wrapping his arms loosely around John’s waist and pressing a kiss against his collarbone.

“What are you doing, John?” He asked, voice thick with sleep.

John hummed lightly and turned his head around enough to press a kiss to Alexander’s forehead. “I’m packing a bag so I can come stay with you.”

“Stay with me? I don’t believe you ever asked.” Hamilton was torn between laughing and slapping Laurens.

“Oh, I knew you’d say yes. Besides, I hope you know by now that you are never leaving my sight. You get in too much trouble and we have a lot of time to make up for.”

Laurens twirled out of his grip and into the kitchen. He started throwing tea bags and mugs into his luggage.

“How long are you planning on staying? And I have tea, you know.”

Laurens smiled. “Well of course I’m staying until you graduate. You’ve only got one semester left, Alexander. As for the tea, I’m taking it because I’ve just got a feeling that you have terrible taste in tea.”

Alexander really did hit him that time. Laurens held his arm and looked betrayed. Hamilton just laughed.

“If you’re planning on living with me for six months, you better get used to getting punched every now and then. I think I’ve exhibited remarkable restraint in only hitting you once during this whole affair.”

Laurens furrowed his eyebrows and turned to stare at Hamilton. “Six months? Alexander, I plan on living with you for the rest of my life.” He shook his head and sighed. “Honestly it feels like you just aren’t as committed to this relationship as I am.”

Laurens held his gaze for less than a second before he burst out laughing. Hamilton joined him.

“The first part may have been true,” Hamilton began, approaching Laurens, “but I can assure you that I am just as committed to this as you are.” He pulled Laurens’ chin up and kissed him fiercely. Laurens, not expecting it, had to grip the edge of the table to keep from falling. When Hamilton finally pulled back, Laurens was looking at him with eyes full of wonder.

“God,” he said breathlessly, “you are so beautiful.”

Alexander smiled and kissed him again. “If you keep saying things like that, you might find me just as hard to get rid of.” He laughed and pulled back, patting Laurens on the shoulder. “I should let you pack, Laurens.”

Laurens hummed in agreement but he missed the contact profoundly as soon as Alexander pulled away. “The carriage will be here in an hour, Alexander”

“Okay, dear. I’ll be reading the paper if you need me.” Alexander settled at the dining table with his tea and newspaper. John stared at him fondly for a long moment before he turned to finish his packing. Their last hour seemed to go by too quickly. Before long they were in a carriage and on their way to the university. They closed the curtains for the whole hour and leaned against each other languidly. Laurens worried that he was becoming dependent on Alexander’s touch. It had barely been twenty-four hours and yet he had an unending desire to have as much bodily contact with Hamilton as possible. But with the warm thrum of Hamilton’s chest against his and fingers knotted together, he found it hard to feel anything other that complete bliss.

When they arrived at Hamilton’s house near the university campus, John felt agitated. Hamilton's soothing presence helped but he was in a new place with new people and in a relationship that most people would disapprove of if they ever figured out the truth. Hamilton looked over at him as he grabbed his luggage and dragged it into the house. He wanted to grab Laurens’ hand and tell him it would be okay, but his neighbors were strolling down the street and they couldn’t risk it. Laurens relaxed as soon as they made it inside. Hamilton brushed a hand along his back.

“Laurens, don’t stress about this. We’ll tell everyone that you are my cousin. They’ll never suspect. I promise.”

Laurens nodded and dragged his stuff into the bedroom. He stared down at the bed. “It’s very small, Alexander.”

Hamilton smiled and took the bags from Laurens. He set them in the corner and turned around. Grabbing Laurens, he threw both of them onto the bed. He pulled Laurens down until they could kiss easily and he sucked on John’s bottom lip until it was swollen and his eyes had partially glazed over. Hamilton smirked and settled against Laurens.

“I think it’s the perfect size, Laurens.”

Laurens swallowed and nodded. Hamilton giggled and pushed Laurens out of his coat. John looked at him in confusion.

“Might as well get comfortable, dear. We’ll be spending a lot of time here.”

John took the hint and tugged his boots and pants off. Hamilton followed suit, taking his shoes and pants off until they were both in undershirts and underwear, plus Hamilton with his coat still on. John rolled his eyes.

“Alexander, don’t be ridiculous. Take your fucking coat off.”

Hamilton laughed and crossed his arms. “How about you make me,” he raised his eyebrows in challenge.

Laurens wasted no time flipping Hamilton on his back and wrestling him out of his coat. When he finally pulled it out from under Alexander, John held it in the air triumphantly. Hamilton took one look at it and grabbed it from Laurens, reaching up to throw it on the floor so he could continue to kiss Laurens.

“Alexander, it’s the middle of the day. Don’t you have classes to study for?” Laurens asked, pushing Hamilton off of him.

Alexander sighed and pushed himself up from the mattress. “Wait here,” he said, pointing at the bed. He walked into the next room and after a minute came back with two books in his hands. He handed one to Laurens and he turned it over delicately in his fingers. The spine said _Frankenstein by Mary Shelley_ . Hamilton had a book for himself, _Two Treatises of Government_. It looked incredibly boring but Hamilton settled down in the bed next to Laurens and seemed content as he began to read. Laurens tried to get into his book, too, but his eyes kept straying to Hamilton and his dark eyelashes. Alexander’s eyes were captivating, dark and glowing and intensely focused on any task they landed upon. The sun had set and the last traces of light had left the sky before Hamilton saw fit to put his book down and go light candles. Laurens made them dinner and Hamilton thanked him with a generous kissing session for dessert. Laurens almost made a joke about Hamilton owing him a little more than that for all the _effort_  he put into making dinner, but he knew that Hamilton would probably appreciate it if they took things slow.

It wasn’t until almost a month later when Hamilton came home from a long day of school that they did anything more than sleep naked together. Hamilton had been studying for his finals for weeks, staying up late into the night and waking up early just to make it to classes in time. The hectic schedule was driving Laurens crazy, he could barely even imagine how Hamilton must have been feeling. But the man was intent on finishing all of his studies in two years, which meant double the classes, double the finals to study for, and half the sleep. And definitely no time for sex. It’s not exactly that Laurens was bitter about it, but he did find himself wishing that Hamilton agreed with his belief that sex was more important than sleep.

But on the last day of May, Hamilton stumbled into the house having just finished taking his last final. Laurens could see immediately what a nervous wreck he was. After all, his entire future depended on him passing all his tests. Laurens immediately walked over and pressed their foreheads together.

“Alexander Hamilton, you are amazing. You have nothing to worry about my dear.”

Hamilton looked like he was about to fall apart. His eyes were tearing up and his whole body was still trembling. Laurens had seen him like this before but never to that degree. Sometimes when Hamilton’s mind got latched unto an idea, it was almost impossible to get it to let go.

Laurens listened to the sound of Hamilton’s frantic heartbeat as it mingled with the warm spring air and the heaving of his chest as he took in deep gulps of air. He wanted to do something, anything to get Hamilton to calm down. Normally, Alexander responded to Laurens’ soft voice and gentle fingers but this time it didn’t even seem to make a dent in the panic he was feeling. Laurens was about to suggest tea and sleep as a last resort, even knowing that it wouldn’t work when Alexander grabbed his shoulders tightly.

“John,” he said, voice cracking with desperation. “Distract me. Please. Please, John.”

Shocked, Laurens just stared at Hamilton for several seconds. The pleading never left Hamilton’s eyes though and he surged forward with relief as he realized that there was something he could do something to help. He captured Hamilton’s lips with his own and pressed into them frantically. It was not the best kissing he had ever done but Hamilton was responding and that was what mattered. He steered them toward the bedroom, somehow managing to never break contact with Hamilton’s lips. He kicked off his shoes and waited as Hamilton did the same before stepping out of his pants and reaching for Hamilton’s. He undid the buckle and watched as they fell and Hamilton stepped out of them, not bothering to fold them like he was usually so careful to do. Hamilton took his own underwear off this time, and Laurens could see in his eyes that he was trying to prove how much he wanted this.

Laurens yanked his undershirt off and let his underwear slip off his hips, too. Laurens pushed Hamilton over toward the bed, but stopped short of the edge. He grabbed Hamilton by the arms and looked him in the eyes. “You sure you want this, love?”

Hamilton nodded frantically. “More than anything, Laurens. I’ve waited so long.”

Laurens took a step back. “Okay then. Take your fucking coat off, Alexander,” he said gently. Hamilton nearly laughed as he pulled the coat off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. It had become a bit of a habit to make John say that to him. In fact, he sort of liked it.

Once Alexander was divested of his coat and undershirt, Laurens pushed him down onto the bed. He kissed Hamilton insistently, pressing his lips in between Alexander’s. He lowered himself until his body was basically flush with Hamilton’s. He could feel Alexander’s erection pressing against his stomach. John ran his hands down the length of Alexander’s body, trying to draw out the pleasure from Alexander. His eyes were already beginning to glaze over with bliss and the slight tremble in his muscles from the panic had all but disappeared, only to be replaced with his muscles tensed in pleasure. Laurens pressed his forehead against Alexander’s and stared deeply into his eyes as he reached between the two of them for his erection. Alexander gasped at the contact and dug his fingers tighter into John’s arms. Laurens belatedly thought about the bruises that would most definitely be present tomorrow. He tried to time his strokes with the sucking and biting of his kisses, watching the pleasure dance in Alexander’s eyes and, _god_ , he wondered if just watching those beautiful eyes wasn’t enough to bring him over the edge. Laurens let his free hand drop lower to squeeze Hamilton’s ass because he was slowly coming to the realization that Hamilton was _his_ and he could squeeze his ass if he goddamn felt like it. Hamilton stifled a moan as John sucked a bruise onto his neck while running his hand up and down Hamilton’s dick. It felt so freeing and Laurens almost laughed because he had _Hamilton’s_ _dick_ in his hand and it was _Alexander_ who was bending and moaning under his fingers, and he had imagined this moment a million times since the day they met and still this was better. So much better. He kissed Hamilton again to stop the laugh that tried to come pouring out and let his mouth drift lower, pressing kisses along his neck and chest and waistline. Hamilton reached out for a purchase to steady himself with and ended up with a handful of Laurens’ hair. His other hand was grabbing onto the mattress with all the force he could muster. Laurens smiled into the skin and fluffy hair at the bottom of his waist. Alexander’s body was basically begging for it, his muscles were tense and his fingers were gripping the bed so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Still, Laurens paused and looked up at Hamilton.

“You okay with this, dear?”

Hamilton didn’t open his eyes at first. It took him a moment to realize that Laurens had actually said something. When he did he found two gorgeous eyes staring back at him, full of love and trust. He didn’t know what Laurens had asked but whatever the question was, the answer was yes, yes, a thousand times yes. He nodded frantically and bit his lip.

Laurens thought Hamilton looked close to tears. He didn’t want to put Hamilton through any undue pain, so he carefully lowered himself down and began to close his mouth over Hamilton’s erection. He licked a careful stripe from the base to the tip and let his fingers dig in Hamilton’s ass.

Alexander arched up off the bed and tugged gently on Laurens’ hair.

“Okay, okay, Alexander. Won’t keep you waiting much longer.”

He went down again and let his tongue draw circles around Hamilton’s dick. With one hard suck, Alexander came. Laurens pulled back and smiled at Alexander, his face incredibly debauched. He expected Alexander to have a sort of blissful peace about him, but the same intensity still filled his eyes as he reached forward and grabbed Laurens’ erection. With a couple strokes, he was coming, too. Laurens stared at the mess in between them and sighed happily. He rolled over and picked up a cloth from the bedside drawer and began to clean the both of them off as best he could. Hamilton batted his hands away after a couple minutes and discarded the rag over the side of the mattress.

“We can finish cleaning in the morning. Let’s sleep now.”

Laurens was more than happy to oblige. He tucked Hamilton against him and ran soft fingers up and down his bare back until his breathing evened out and he fell into the best sleep he’d had in months.

++++

Alexander graduated with full honors, of course. And they celebrated that with sex, too, albeit the kind with more excitement and joy and less frantically trying not to panic like before. They moved back into Laurens’ place in the city and their first night there, Lafayette and Herc took them out for drinks. Laurens had never seen Alexander happier. It had been so hard to watch him nearly kill himself with his crazy workload at the university but it definitely seemed worth it now, just to be able to see the enormous smile that stayed plastered to his face all night and the laughter that continued to rack his body so hard that Laurens was afraid he might break something. At some point during the night, Lafayette pulled him to the side and demanded that Laurens tell him everything that happened between them. Laurens didn’t hesitate, he had forgotten how nice it felt to finally tell someone about all the things he’d been keeping inside.

“Wait, so, my dear Alexander has a coat kink?”

Laurens laughed and just barely managed not to spit any of his beer out.

“Yes, well. I have no complaints. He’s a fast learner and frankly fantastic in bed.”

Lafayette smiled and punched him in the shoulder playfully. “Not too much information, yes?”

John shook his head. “Yes, sorry. It’s just hard having no one to talk to about it. I have missed my friends these past six months.”

Lafayette rubbed his hair playfully and Laurens ducked his head. “I understand, _mon ami_. And I am sorry. I know it has not been and will not be easy for you or Alexander. I wish to help in any way I can.”

Laurens ducked his head. “Thank you. It means a lot.”

They wandered back over to where Herc and Alexander were sitting. Alexander’s eyes lit up as he saw Laurens approaching and Lafayette had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and instead be happy for his two friends.

That night, Laurens and Hamilton stumbled into his house much the same as the very first night they met. They were drunk this time, too, but perhaps not _as_ drunk, because they managed to get out of their clothes completely this time, and have a round of sex before collapsing of exhaustion.

Over the next few days, Hamilton and Laurens relaxed for the first time in a while. They read books together, cooked for each other, made out quite a lot, and Hamilton insisted on writing love poems for him, even if he ended up burning all of them anyway.

After a couple days, the job offers began to start pouring in. At first Hamilton was gratified but when he realized they all wanted him to be a secretary of all things, it was all Laurens could do to keep him from breaking every object in the house. That night, they didn’t have sex. Laurens held Hamilton’s shaking body and whispered sweet nothings into his ear until he fell asleep.

After a couple nights of that, Laurens knew he had to do something. He sought out Burr, the man with the connections. Burr smiled knowingly when Laurens told him that Hamilton wanted to fight, not write.

“While Hamilton and I disagree on many things, I won’t deny him what I think he deserves. And I think he deserves to be more than somebody’s secretary.”

So Burr gave him the address of one General George Washington who was planning on leading the revolution. Laurens met with him and told him all about Hamilton, how he’d grown up with nothing and fought for everything he’d gotten. How he got an education and struggled financially—and in every way really—and how all he wanted to do now was to fight for the nation he believed deserved its independence. Washington listened patiently and even pleasantly at times.

“I can see you care about your friend very much. You can tell him to meet me tomorrow evening at seven.”

Laurens expressed his gratitude a hundred times before running out of the office and straight home where he found his beautiful Alexander curled up in front of the fire with a book. He got down on his knees in front of him and grabbed his hands. Alexander looked up at him in surprise.

“Alexander my love, I have just spoken with General Washington. He wishes to see you tomorrow evening at seven to discuss your place in this revolution.” Laurens was brimming with excitement and Alexander couldn’t help but grab his face and caress it lightly.

“Oh my dear Laurens,” he said with immense fondness, “what would I ever do without you?”

Laurens smiled and moved to sit next to Hamilton on the cushion. Hamilton welcomed him with open arms and pulled him tight against his chest.

Hamilton pressed a soft kiss to Laurens’ forehead. “I love you so much, Laurens. You are far too good to me. I’m afraid that I do not deserve you.”

Laurens nuzzled Alexander’s neck and sighed. “I could give you the world and it would still not satisfy the depths of what you deserve. Do not underestimate yourself, Alexander.”

Maybe he didn’t exactly say “I love you, too,” but Hamilton thought John’s answer was even better somehow. The clock on the wall ticked as the seconds went by in silence and they held each other tightly in front of the dying fire. They fell asleep like that, feeling warm and full in each other’s embrace.

++++

Alexander came home the next day with a piece of paper. He waved it happily under John’s nose.

“General Washington wants me to be his right hand man!”

Laurens read the paper obligingly and when he finished he set it aside to look at the man standing in front of him. It filled him with pride to see Alexander finally making something of himself. Hamilton’s eyes were filled his bubbling happiness and pleasure. John couldn’t resist pulling Hamilton closer to him and kissing him, trying to match Alexander’s intensity and nearly falling over because Alexander had slammed him up against the wall and was pressing his entire body against John’s. Laurens was glad that Alexander had a strong hold on him because his knees had given out and Alexander’s wandering mouth was not helping his chances of regaining his wits.

Just as suddenly as Hamilton had thrown him against the wall, he pulled away and smiled, his arms and legs jittery with excitement. Laurens leaned against the wall and watched him, breathless. He thought that Alexander looked like he was about to start dancing in happiness.

“Thank you, Laurens. Thank you thank you thank you.” It came out as almost a squeal but Alexander didn’t seem to notice. “Oh John, this is everything I could have hoped for.”

John leaned forward and squeezed his hand softly. “I know, Alexander. I am so proud of you.” He motioned toward the door with his head. “Come, Alexander. Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate. I want to hear everything.”

Hamilton nodded and let John lead him outside. They walked down the dusty streets and kicked up dirt with each footstep. Laurens watched the little clouds settle in their wake. Hamilton was humming a nameless, upbeat tune. It wasn’t uncommon for him to do so when he was in a particularly good mood. Laurens sometimes wondered if the noises in his head ever stopped. He never seemed to stop reading or writing or humming or talking. In fact, the only time Laurens had ever seen Hamilton’s mind at ease was during sex. He wondered what that must feel like.

They turned the corner and entered the small restaurant to the right. They were immediately seated and brought glasses of wine. Hamilton eyed Laurens curiously over the table.

“Would you be willing to stay with me even if it meant leaving the city?”

Laurens set his glass of wine down lightly and shook his head. “Alexander, you idiot. I’d follow you anywhere.”

Alexander hummed thoughtfully. “General Washington wants us to leave for the camp as soon as possible. He is planning more attacks on the British Forces.”

Laurens raised his eyebrows. “Us?

Hamilton took a long sip of his wine and nodded. “Yes, well. I may be Washington’s right hand man but I’d like it if you were my right hand man. I expressed a wish to the General that you accompany that he was more than happy to accommodate.”

The waiter came and placed their food in front of them. They stared at each other in silence until he left. After a second, Alexander broke eye contact to look at his food. John sighed.

“You are too much sometimes, Alexander. But I suppose we _are_ getting good at this travelling around. It shouldn’t take us long to be ready.”

Alexander smiled widely and poked at his food with his fork. He felt like John always said just the right thing. Not too mushy but not too harsh. Sometimes he felt as if Laurens never did anything less than perfection, like it was simply not in his nature to say the wrong thing.

“Oh Laurens, this is going to be fun. I just know it.”

Laurens smiled fondly. “I haven’t had a boring day with you yet, Alexander.”

The rest of the night went smoothly. They drank just the right amount of wine to make them feel pleasant without having to worry about a massive hangover in the morning. Once they were full of delicious food, they paid for their meal and headed out to the streets. They walked languidly and their conversation felt easy.

When they finally made it home, it was past midnight and the sun had long since set. Alexander walked through the house and lit the candles while John changed into his night clothes. They slipped into bed next to each other and Hamilton cradled Laurens softly in his arms. It wasn’t sex, but somehow Laurens felt that it was better. He listened to Hamilton’s smooth, easy breathing and felt the quiet _thump-thump_ of his heart until sleep pulled him over the edge.

They spent the next morning packing up all of their belongings that they saw fit to take with them. It wasn’t much—a meager pile of clothes and a stack of letters and poems that Hamilton had written for Laurens and hadn’t wanted to leave behind. Laurens wanted to bring his own tea but Hamilton had silenced him with a kiss and told him that he should get used to being able to afford few luxuries. Laurens wasn’t necessarily happy about it, but just getting to be by Hamilton’s side was enough for him.

They left that evening for General Washington’s camp. Hamilton had invited Lafayette, of course, and they all sat in the carriage together. Hercules had stayed behind to act as a spy for them. Lafayette nodded approvingly when he saw Hamilton and Laurens grab each other’s hands as soon as the carriage doors closed.

“You are well, then?” He asked, smiling.

Laurens nodded and looked at Hamilton. “Better than we have any right to be, I’m sure.”

“How will your arrangement work at General Washington’s camp? Does he know?” Lafayette asked quietly.

Alexander squeezed Laurens hand. “He knows enough. He has promised us a tent to share and that Laurens is welcome to fight by my side.”

Lafayette nodded understandingly. “I am happy for you both.”

Laurens pressed a kiss to Alexander’s cheek and smiled. The conversation lulled into comfortable silence and Hamilton pulled out a book to read. Laurens fell asleep against his shoulder and Lafayette was content to watch the scene in front of him. After all, he was a hopeless romantic.

They arrived at the camp just after nightfall. General Washington welcomed them at the gates and led them back to his tent. He explained the rules of the camp, their duties, where they would be staying, and the plane for the following weeks. Laurens watched as Hamilton happily took all the information in, savoring every word like a man dying of thirst might savor water. Finally, before they headed off to their tents, Washington handed them each a sheet of parchment.

“For the Winter’s Ball,” he explained. “You are all invited of course.”

With that, they parted ways and the three of them exited the General’s tent. As soon as they were out of earshot, Lafayette leaned over.

“You didn’t mention he was so pleasing to the eye, Alexander,” he accused lightly. “I have a feeling the General and I will be spending a lot of time together.”

Alexander slapped him on the arm and the three of them giggled softly. Eventually they had to leave each other as Lafayette headed to his tent and Hamilton and Laurens headed to theirs.

++++

The night of the ball, Hamilton and Laurens spent hours getting ready. Laurens didn’t know why it meant so much to Hamilton, but he was happy as long as Alexander let him fuss with his clothes until everything sat perfectly. They picked out each other’s outfits which was quite obvious if you were looking for it. They both ended up wearing their tightest pants and nicest coats.

The ball was crowded full of elegantly dressed people using big words and was totally not Laurens’ style. He stuck close to Alexander at first, but Hamilton urged him to find his own way around to avoid arousing suspicion. Laurens didn’t think it mattered, even separated Hamilton spent the whole time staring at him from across the room.

Laurens drank some wine and stayed close to the edge of the room. He watched as Burr approached Hamilton and they struck up light banter.

“If you could marry a sister, you’d be rich, son.” Burr smiled indulgently at the mix of emotions that flashed across Hamilton’s face. Laurens knew instantly that Burr had been talking about the Schuyler sisters.

Alexander’s eyes scanned the room but carefully avoided Laurens. “It’s not a question of if, Burr, but which one.”

Burr shook his head in disbelief. “Are you sure about that? Lafayette was just telling me the reason you’ve been smiling so much lately is because you’ve got a special someone on the side.”

Alexander’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “I should go.”

Burr grabbed his wrist. “Don’t go, Alexander. I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that, well...” he smiled and switched tactics. “I wish you had brought this girl with you tonight.”

Alexander kept his eyes on the ground and smiled demurely. “You’re very kind, Burr, but I’m afraid it’s unlawful.”

Burr tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean, Alexander?”

Laurens tensed from where he stood in the corner. Alexander met his gaze desperately and silently pleaded for help. Laurens felt a small amount of fondness bloom in his chest. He smiled at Alexander and nodded, urging him to be frank. Burr was their friend, Laurens was sure they could trust him. Hamilton bit his lip and turned back to Burr.

“Um, my special someone isn’t a woman.”

Burr’s eyes widened. “I see,” he said but it came out sounding choked.

“It’s John Laurens,” Alexander continued, heedlessly.

Burr looked like Alexander had slapped him. He took a step back and glanced over at Laurens, who waved when he saw Burr glance at him.

“Oh, shit, Alexander.”

Hamilton smiled and clapped a hand on Burr’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Burr. I know it’s a lot to take in. I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”

He turned to leave but Burr’s head finally seem to catch up with reality. “Alexander,” he called out. “I will never understand you, but I do not disapprove. If you love him, there’s no sense in hiding from it.” He smiled, and shook his head fondly. “You’re a smart man, Alexander, you’ll be fine. I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”

Hamilton’s eyes were gleaming. He leaned forward and pulled Burr into a hug. “We may disagree about a great many things, but I am glad we are friends, Burr.”

“I, too, am glad.” He pulled away slowly and patted Alexander on the back. He gestured toward Laurens. “I’m sure you have better people to me talking to, though. Goodbye, Alexander.”

“Goodbye, Burr.”

Hamilton watched Burr disappear back into the crowd of people. Laurens sidled up next to him and placed a hand on his back.

“I’m proud of you, Alexander.”

 Hamilton glanced down at the hand and brushed it away. “You have to be more careful, Laurens.”

John shook his head and squeezed Hamilton’s arm. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to offer you support, like the loving boyfriend I am,” he whispered, and then he was gone. Hamilton watched him walk away, feeling bereft.

He felt another person approach. He turned to find the sharp brown eyes of Angelica Schuyler on him. She smiled slyly.

“Good evening. Alexander is it?”

Hamilton nodded, too surprised for words at the moment. She seemed to sense this.

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation earlier, and I see the way you stare at your dear friend over there,” Angelica said and indicated Laurens with her head. Alexander blushed and glanced over at Laurens on the other side of the room, now with a drink in hand. Laurens seemed to feel Alexander’s gaze like a physical weight because he turned and met Alexander’s gaze. He glanced passingly between the two of them and smiled reassuringly as he sipped his wine. Alexander felt helpless, his knees were weak.

“I’d like to introduce you to my sister, if you wouldn’t mind,” she continued, ignoring his straying attention. Alexander nodded and followed her across the room. When he looked back to where John had been standing, Laurens was gone. He tried not to let the sadness show on his face. Somehow he thought that Angelica realized anyway.

Laurens hadn’t wanted to stay and watch. He realized that Hamilton was very handsome, and that it was inevitable that many would want the same from Hamilton that Laurens did. He also trusted that Alexander wouldn’t stray, no matter the pretty women that approached him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to stick around to watch. Quietly, he ducked his head and left the giant hall, exiting into the cool night. He sat on an ornate bench just outside the east entrance and stared up at the stars.

It must have been at least an hour before he felt a warm body settle next to him. He looked over to find Alexander’s warm eyes reflecting the moonlight. Laurens didn’t say anything, just settled against him and sighed. Hamilton’s eyes danced over the stars as he took in the scene around him. Without turning to face Laurens, he began to speak.

“I met Elizabeth Schuyler today. She wants me to marry her.” Hamilton didn’t say anything more. Sensing that he wasn’t finished however, Laurens prompted him.

“So soon?”

Hamilton shook his head minutely. “She doesn’t want a relationship with me. She said she knew from the moment I walked into the room that I was helpless. Helpless for you.”

John hummed. “She’s a smart one.”

Alexander closed his eyes tightly. “She wants to marry me because she has no desire for a husband just as I have no desire for a wife. Not when I have you, of course. She called it a _quid pro quo_ of sorts. Together we can evade scrutiny. Apart... well she has assured us that we are too obvious to not be noticed. “

John was silent for a long time. Hamilton counted his breaths, in and out, in and out. He didn’t seem mad, or even sad. In fact, for the first time Hamilton looked into John’s eyes and had no idea what he was thinking. He was about to prompt him when John finally turned and locked eyes on him.

“So will you do it? Will you marry her?”

Hamilton shook his head. “Not unless you ask me to.”

John smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to Alexander’s lips. “My love, you should do it. People will start to wonder if you continue to refuse marriage. This Eliza is a smart one, it would do you good to spend more time around her.”

“And you are okay with that?” Alexander’s lips were parted in surprise and Laurens wanted to laugh.

“Alexander,” he said forcefully, “I trust you. You would never cheat on me, you’re too sensible. Plus,” he laughed softly, “you’d miss my ass too much to risk losing it.”

Hamilton reached around and squeezed Laurens’ ass playfully. “You’re right. It really is a fantastic ass.”

Laurens beamed. “Thank you, dear.”

Hamilton squeezed his hand tightly and stood up. “Then I must go accept Eliza’s proposal, I’m afraid.”

Laurens smiled up at him and then settled back down onto the bench. “I’ll be here when you get back, Alexander,” he said. And then quieter, “I’ll always be here,” but Alexander was already out of earshot.

++++

Six months later, John Laurens attended the wedding as the best man. It was a beautiful ceremony, even though Hamilton basically stared at him the entire time he was saying his vows. His eyes were conveying very forcefully that he wished it was Laurens standing there, not Eliza.

But soon enough, it was over, and it was Laurens and Hamilton sleeping together in one of the bedrooms of their new large house, thanks to Eliza’s money. Eliza stayed there too, of course, but upstairs and on the other side of the house. The three of them eventually became something resembling friends.

One night, shortly after the wedding, Laurens sat at the desk in the study with his his quill poised over the paper. He stared at the blank pages but couldn’t find the right words to pour onto them. It was supposed to be a missive to a general in the south asking him to promise to free the slaves who fought in the war, but his words kept coming out stilted and harsh. Alexander came in with tea for both of them, and he set one down on the desk and pulled up a chair to sit next to Laurens.

“Good evening, my dear,” he said and gave Laurens a small kiss. “What are you up to so late?”

Laurens gestured at the pile of his failed letters and Alexander picked through them gently. He smiled as he read them, brimming with fondness and pride for Laurens.

“And I thought it wasn’t possible for me to love you any more. You have too much good inside of you, truly.”

Laurens blushed and let his gaze fall to the floor. “I’m just having trouble with the wording, you know.”

Alexander smiled and took the quill from him. “Well then you fell in love with the right man. Tell me what you want it to say and I’ll write it.”

“Oh, Alexander. You are too good to me.” Laurens leaned forward and put his elbows on the desk so he could watch Hamilton work.

“Ha, that’s what you think.” Hamilton smirked. “Honestly I’m just doing this in the hope that we can get to bed a reasonable hour.”

Laurens laughed, unrestrained. “Why do I get the impression that sleeping isn’t what you had in mind when you said that?”

“Because you’re a smart man,” Alexander quipped. He kissed Laurens briefly before turning back to the task at hand. “Okay, enough with the pleasantries. Let’s get to work.”

Laurens smiled again and began to dictate his thoughts to Hamilton. Alexander wrote them down in a compelling and poetic missive that made John’s heart clench in its understated elegance. Hamilton’s smile never faltered as he listened to the gentle stream of Laurens’ words and crafted them into sentences of purpose and beauty.

And if that night, the sex felt less like love and more like worship, well they were both okay with that.

 

++++

However, it was not even a month later when General Washington requested their assistance in their fight against the British. Laurens and Hamilton left their easy home life to go back out into the battlefield and stall the British forces. Everyone who watched them in action remarked that they were the best team anyone had ever seen. To an outside observer, it seemed as if they knew what the other was thinking intuitively. They could read each other’s facial expressions, the tension in their shoulders, the clench of their hands like it was paragraphs of text. They were a tactically brilliant team, thanks to Alexander’s strategic mind and help from one of the smartest men they knew, Lafayette. Together, they took out ships and and stole cannons and ammunition. They knew what they were up against, a tiny collection of colonies all on its own with few resources and even fewer soldiers trying to defeat a global superpower with a navy that was the strongest the world had ever seen. They knew what the cost of failure was, through, and so they kept fighting. They struck by night and in places where the terrain would give them the upper hand. It was the toughest thing any of them had ever done, but surprisingly they were holding their own. Until Charles Lee fucked it all up of course.

Alexander was livid with his behavior. Not only had Washington promoted him instead of Hamilton, but the kid had pissed himself instead of commanding his troops. He was directly responsible for their deaths and the _only_ reason it wasn’t a complete defeat was because of Lafayette’s tactical brilliance. And yet, Charles Lee had the audacity to say that General Washington was the incompetent one. Hamilton just couldn’t stand for it.

When he had told Laurens that he wanted to challenge Lee to a duel, John refused to even consider it.

“No, Alexander,” he said firmly. “This is not up for discussion. If you defy the General’s orders, he will fire you. Your dream is too important to throw it away on some incompetent little fucker.”

Hamilton’s eyes were still burning with fury and Laurens sighed. He walked up to Alexander and grabbed his face with his hands, forcing Hamilton to meet his eyes.

“If you are so dead set on this duel, let me do it. Do not throw away your shot, Alexander.”

Hamilton stared at him and gradually his eyes calmed down until only faint glimpses of sadness remained.

“No, John. I could not let you do that. If Washington tried to send you home, I couldn’t bear it.”

They let the matter drop after that, both firmly convinced that neither of them could afford to throw away their shot.

Months later, Laurens was actually standing next to Hamilton, grabbing on to the back of his coat and twisting the fabric in his hands when they watched a British soldier step up onto a parapet and wave a white flag. Tensions were high and adrenaline still pumped through Laurens’ veins. Hamilton glanced briefly at him and saw the residual fear and desperation in his eyes. Alexander let Laurens’ hand stay holding on tightly without comment. Laurens had just watched Hamilton almost get blown up by the most recent cannon shot, and Hamilton understood exactly why John felt the need to keep his hand there, tethered to the thing he loves most in the world, to the thing he can’t afford to lose.

But when the understanding sunk in that they really _did_ win, Hamilton slowly turned around to Laurens and hugged him with crushing force. A stunned Laurens stood motionless for a second before he leapt up into Alexander’s arms and buried his face in Hamilton’s neck. Time seemed to go too fast and too slow all at once. Everything had been leading up to that fateful moment and now that they had finally come to it, everyone seemed at a loss with what to do with themselves. Their whole world had been turned upside down and now they had to take the ashes of everything they had burned down and turn it into a functioning system.

Together, Alexander and Laurens stumbled back to camp. The were tired and worn beyond measure, but they resolutely headed toward the group of congregated people and took the drinks that were offered to them. The men in the middle were singing drinking songs, _the world turned upside down, oh the world turned upside down._ Hamilton and Laurens held each other close without worrying about anyone noticing. Everyone was feeling such an enormous rush of emotions that it clouded what they could see.

The next day, Washington sent them both home.

“Finish your education, get a degree in politics or law. You might find that it will come in handy with this new nation we are trying to build,” he told Alexander.

Resolute in his new task to accomplish, Alexander moved back to New York with Laurens. They continued to stay at Eliza’s house, which she assured them was the best course of action. He enrolled in Princeton to become a lawyer and to his surprise he found that Burr had done the same. There wasn’t necessarily animosity between the two of them, but Alexander sometimes felt slighted by Burr’s refusal to stand behind him even in situations when their opinions were the same.

Laurens was delighted to see Hamilton become such an accomplished lawyer. He was so good with words, and Laurens had always known that Alexander was the best writer he had ever met, but to see him some days in court, weaving stories with his words and painting vivid pictures with the modulation of his voice, was another thing entirely. Those were the happy days. Alexander would come home to find that John had made dinner and they would settle next to each other at the table and laugh as they told the stories about their day. Laurens liked to talk about Lafayette and Hercules—it helped assuage some of his sadness that they hardly saw each other anymore. Alexander liked to talk about his clients or cases that he had been working on. Sometimes he would talk about politics, and Laurens liked that. The way Hamilton’s eyes lit up when he talked about the new US Constitution made Laurens’ breath catch in his throat every time.

Of course, the fact that Hamilton’s job kept him too busy for sex most of the time wasn’t something that Laurens was very fond of, but he figured it was worth it since it seemed to bring Hamilton so much joy. One day, Hamilton came home with a letter in his hand. He was bouncing around like a three-year-old and Laurens saw that his eyes were nearly overflowing with excitement. Hamilton handed the letter to Laurens quickly and guided him to a light to read it. Laurens skimmed it quietly—it was an invitation to the Constitutional Convention. As soon as he realized that, he understood why Hamilton was so excited. He turned around and hugged Alexander tightly.

“Oh Alexander, I am so very happy for you. You will get to help build a new nation. It is what you always dreamed of.”

Alexander pulled out of the hug enough to kiss Laurens with incredible force. John nearly fell over in surprise.

“My dear Laurens, I have more excitement than I know what to do with,” he said quietly and smiled.

Laurens smiled and reached for the buckle on Hamilton’s pants. “Don’t worry, love. I can help with that.”

Alexander laughed outright and kissed him again, guiding them slowly toward the bedroom.

 

++++

 

Hamilton and Laurens were walking down the street the next day, arguing over what kind of wine to buy at the store, when Laurens spotted Burr through the crowd. They waved him over happily. 

Burr walked over to them, eyebrows raised. “Hello, Alexander. Hello, John.” He nodded to the both of them. “Ah, Alexander, why are you limping? Is something wrong?”

Laurens tried very hard to hold in a laugh as Alexander blushed a very deep red. Burr must have noticed because his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I, uh, I tripped coming down the stairs last night.”

Burr looked like he regretted asking the question. Laurens stepped forward and squeezed Burr’s arm. “Ignore my dear Alexander. I’m actually glad we saw you today, I was hoping we could talk. Perhaps somewhere more private?”

Burr nodded. “My office is just up the street. Will Alexander be joining us?”

Laurens laughed and pressed a piece of paper into Hamilton’s hands. “I’m afraid not. It’s his turn to do the shopping.”

Alexander gave him a dirty look but obediently headed toward the store. John watched him go with immense fondness. Burr seemed to pick up on it.

“All is well in paradise?” He asked, guiding Laurens into his office.

Laurens nodded and waved his hand around nebulously. “Of course. Alexander is stressed beyond belief but I’m hopeful that his new assignment will ease some of that. Otherwise, Alexander has made me happier than I ever imagined I could be. It’s a nice feeling, Burr.”

Burr smiled as he sat down. “I’m so happy for the both of you. You are good for each other.”

Laurens helped himself to the bottle of whiskey on Burr’s credenza. He poured two glasses and handed one to Burr. “You might need it,” he explained lightly. “I actually wanted to talk to you about Alexander. I worry about him.”

Burr shook his head, confused. “Why? He’s a smart man.”

Laurens shrugged and took a sip of the whiskey. “He’s also impulsive and emotional. Much like myself actually. The problem with Hamilton and me is that we magnify each other’s emotions, quite a lot in fact. We have few conversations that don’t end in screaming, hugging, crying, or laughter. 

Burr nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, considering your personalities, that makes sense. But what can I do about it?”

“Alexander needs someone to balance him out. If things keep going in the direction that they are, he’ll tear himself apart. I worry that he’s going to do something stupid and impulsive because of all those emotions bottled up inside him. I can’t help him without making it worse, but you could. You are the emotional opposite of Alexander. You could bring him back into equilibrium, into stability.”

“What would I get out of it?” Burr asked, but there was no bite to the words, just curiosity.

Laurens laughed. “Other than the joy of helping out a friend, you mean?” He shook his head. “Just as you would pull Alexander away from an emotional extreme, he would do the same for you. Right now, he needs to talk less and smile more, but you need to talk more and smile less.” 

Burr raised his eyebrows and drained his glass. Laurens watched in amusement.

“So what would this entail? I can’t have an arrangement with him akin to yours.”

Laurens blushed and waved his hands. “No, no. Not like that. I know you both are friends, tentative as that may be. I know you don’t agree, politically, but maybe if you could stay close to him at the convention and when he’s at work? That would be enough.”

Burr nodded.  “I can do that, but only if Alexander lets me. I’m not sure he always appreciates my presence.”

“Oh trust me,” Laurens said, and there was a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “Alexander knows better than to say no to me.”

They both laughed and clinked glasses. Burr was surprised to have found such an unlikely friend in Laurens.

They chatted amicably until Alexander stopped by with the shopping finished. He gave Laurens a small peck on the cheek and shook Burr’s hand. Burr watched them go with amusement and a hint of envy. Some days he wished that he could have a relationship as real as theirs.

 

++++

 

Alexander pulled him to the side as soon as they got home.

“You had a very long chat with Burr today. What was that all about?”

Laurens smiled. Alexander had probably been brimming with curiosity that whole time. “You’re not jealous, are you?”

Alexander blushed and shook his head. “No, just curious.”

Laurens laughed. “I know, honey. I’m just teasing. I was actually going to bring it up myself, anyway. I was asking Burr to spend more time with you when you’re at work.” 

Hamilton grimaced and raised his eyebrows. “Why on earth would you do that?”

“Oh, Alexander. I think you know why. You and Burr could stand to rub off on each other, at least a little. I can’t give you emotional stability so I’m admitting my shortcomings like a good boyfriend and finding someone who can.”

Alexander smiled. His heart still fluttered every time Laurens casually called himself Alexander’s boyfriend.

“Shortcomings? I wasn’t aware that you had any. To me, you are nothing less than perfection.” He crowded close to Laurens and pressed their foreheads together. Laurens sighed happily and held a hand up to stroke at Alexander’s pale cheek.

“Hmm, maybe so. I just worry about you falling apart, Alexander. You work yourself too hard, you shout too loud, you feel too much.”

Alexander shook his head and pressed small kisses against John’s increasingly pliant lips.

“I _live,_ John. I know my limits. I won’t go falling apart on you.”

John smiled into the kisses. “Well as long as you’re sure.” He pushed Alexander back with firm hands and guided him into the bedroom. John still felt worry deep inside his chest but the love and happiness that overflowed from Hamilton’s eyes was enough to quiet it for the moment.

 

++++

 

At the convention, Washington was unanimously voted to head the new US Government. Afterwards he sought Hamilton out discreetly. He offered Hamilton a position on his cabinet as the Treasury Secretary, which Hamilton immediately accepted.

He spent the next four nights drafting the basics of his financial plan with little to no sleep. Laurens tried to coax him back to bed with little effect. At one point he even went and got Eliza to come yell at Hamilton for trying to kill himself over a new line of financial credit. Eventually, Laurens just opted to let him be and if some point he decided he needed sleep, Alexander was more than welcome to crawl into bed with him. The most he could do was wait for Hamilton to get there on his own and make extra strong tea for him in the morning when he didn’t.

It wasn’t even like Alexander was the only one staying up late into the night trying to fulfill his dreams. Laurens had dreams, too. Ones that Alexander tried to respect, just as Laurens tried to respect the fact that Alexander really needed to establish a national bank. But sometimes Laurens felt like Hamilton didn’t take him seriously. As if his fight for the rights and freedom of every person, not just every white man, was hopeless idealism. Laurens tried to not let it rub him the wrong way, but when Hamilton poured his heart and soul into something and left no time for Laurens, then scoffed at Laurens when he tried to do the same—well Laurens eventually he needed a break from all of it. He tried to distance himself in the little things, he stopped yelling at Alexander so much, stopped waiting for him to come to bed, stopped kissing him goodnight, stopped waking up early to make him breakfast. He could tell Hamilton noticed. Every time he shied away from Alexander’s touch, or politely excused himself from a conversation, Alexander frowned slightly and a small crease of worry formed along his forehead. But he never said anything, he simply let Laurens pull away and prayed that soon enough everything could go back to normal. Alexander was sure that if only he could get his debt plan passed, things could be like before.

About a month later, when Hamilton’s sleep schedule began to equalize, Laurens received a letter from Lafayette inviting the two of them to come stay with him in France for a few weeks and catch up. He knew that Alexander was still too busy with work to even think about taking the summer off, but he had known Lafayette longer and he missed his friend. And it gave him the perfect opportunity for a small break away from the stresses of their current home life. He didn’t feel that bad about wanting to go to France without Hamilton since Alexander seemed to be taking care of himself lately.

He approached Hamilton about it the next day. He showed him the letter and before Alexander had a chance to begin talking, Laurens held out a hand to stop him. Sometimes if Alexander got going, he has nearly impossible to stop.

“I know you are busy, Alexander. I do not expect you to go. But Lafayette is my friend and I would like to visit him.”

Hamilton shook his head. “You’d be away from me for months. I’m not sure I know how to live without you for that long.”

“Alexander,” he pleaded, “you lived for 19 years without me. Can’t you manage a summer?”

“I don’t know,” he said slowly. He shook his head and smiled tightly. “Can you?”

Laurens nodded and grabbed Alexander by his shoulder. “I know it is not ideal but it not an impossible thing that I am asking. Just a few months, Alexander. I miss my friend.”

Alexander bit his lip. “What happened to you never leaving my side?”

“I trust you, Alexander. You are a smart man, you’ll be fine. Besides, I’m not leaving forever.”

Hamilton rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. When he looked back up and met John’s eyes they were wide and apprehensive. Alexander smiled thinly. “I will be here you you get back, Laurens. Have fun on your trip.”

With that he turned and exited the room, leaving Laurens alone. He shook his head and began to gather up clothes to pack, He wasn’t going to let Hamilton guilt him into staying.

Alexander didn’t come to bed that night and when Laurens woke up, he was still alone in the bed. The other side of the bed was untouched and cold. He got up and made himself some tea. He checked in on the study and saw that Hamilton had fallen asleep at his desk, his face against a pile of books.

Laurens walked over and ran a soft hand through his hair. Alexander raised his head sleepily and blinked his eyes rapidly to adjust to the warm morning light.

“Good morning, sleepy,” Laurens sang fondly as he pressed a kiss to Hamilton’s forehead.

Alexander let John nuzzle his face with his lips without protest. But when John reached forward for a kiss, Alexander pulled away and looked out the window.

“Are you leaving soon?” He asked quietly, and John could hear the way his voice cracked when he said it. His heart nearly broke at the sound.

“Yes,” he whispered, letting his hand fall from Alexander’s face. “I’ll be gone for more than a month, Alexander. This is your last chance to say goodbye.”

Alexander stood up and stared at a spot over John’s shoulder. He resolutely refused to make eye contact.

“Will you write me?” Alexander asked. He knew it wouldn’t matter much, the letters would take weeks to reach him.

“Every day. I know they will take a while to be delivered but I will write one every day. You will never be out of my mind.”

That really did make Alexander look him in the eyes. For a second there was silence as they both held their breaths, afraid of upsetting the delicate balance they held between them. Then Alexander surged forward and grabbed Laurens’ face as he captured John’s lips with his own. It lasted less than a minute but by the end they were both breathing heavily and Alexander’s face was wet with tears.

“I don’t want you to go.” Alexander sounded broken as he choked the words out.

Laurens took his finger and pressed it against Hamilton’s chest. “I’ll always be here. Don’t forget that.”

Hamilton nodded. John turned around to pick up his luggage and sighed. “Do you want to come with me to the harbor to see me off?”

Alexander shook his head reluctantly. John understood—it wasn’t exactly easy to watch the person you love leave you. He grabbed his bag and headed for the door. He stopped just short of the exit and turned back to Alexander.

“You will get your plan through Congress, Alexander. I believe in you. Just don’t kill yourself trying.” He paused and stared at Hamilton, who refused to look at him directly. “And for the love of god, don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

Hamilton smiled but continued to look out the window. Laurens had to resist the urge to run over to him and make Alexander look him in the eyes and say he understood. He sighed and dragged his luggage out into the street where the carriage was waiting for him. He tried to close the door as softly as possible. Eliza waved at him from the balcony and he smiled.

“Take care of him, for me. Sometimes I think I’m the only one keeping him from doing every stupid thing he comes up with.”

She smiled warmly. “I will try my best, but if Alexander sets his mind to something I’m afraid there is very little I can do to stop him.”

He laughed brightly. Sometimes her imminent warmth was a nice contrast to Hamilton’s constant energy.

“I’m afraid that’s true, unfortunately. You are a saint, Eliza. Have a nice summer.”

He turned and lifted his luggage into the carriage. He gave Eliza one last smile before stepping inside the doors. Eliza watched him leave and silently cursed Hamilton for making him go by himself. As soon as Laurens was gone from sight, she stormed inside and down the stairs to the part of the house where Alexander lived. She found him curled up in his chair in the study, tears drying on his face. He was staring out the window where Laurens could still just barely be seen down the street. He startled when she laid a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Alexander.”

He wiped his eyes and blushed. “Don’t be,” he said softly, clearing his throat. He stood up and straightened out his clothes. “It’s for the best anyway.”

She batted his hands away from messing with his clothes and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. “You don’t really believe that, Alexander.” It wasn’t a question, simply an indisputable statement of fact.  She took his hands and led him to the sofa. “Hold on, I’ll make us tea,” she said and left him sitting there while she bustled around in the kitchen. Hamilton thought about the second night he had ever known Laurens. He had laid in bed, scared and sad, and Laurens had left him there to go make tea, just like Eliza had. Now when he listened to the sound of her clinking mugs together, he heard it as if was Laurens in all the times that he had done the same. The memory lodged itself in his throat and came out as a choked sob. He heard Eliza speed up, and he wiped at his face as she rushed into the study with the mugs in her hand. She set them on the nearby table and sat next to him, taking his hands in hers.

“Oh, Alexander,” she said softly, “It will be okay, I promise.”

He shook his head. “I told him that I would be okay because I didn’t want me the reason he didn’t get to see his friend. Now, I’m not so sure.”

She let her thumbs draw circles on the tops of his hands. “I will be here to help you get through this. Our marriage may have been under false pretenses but our friendship is not. You are a smart man, Alexander. You will be fine.”

He pulled his hands away from her grasp gently. Everyone seemed to be saying that about him lately. What did being smart have to do with anything? Being smart didn't do anything to ease the pain in his chest. It didn't make him any less hopelessly in love with Laurens. It didn't keep him from cursing the fact that he hadn't been more supportive of Laurens when he needed it. He reached out for his mug of tea and sipped at it lightly. It was a while before he turned back to her.

“Things between Laurens and me have had their ups and downs. First there was the war and we made it through that, and I thought domestic life would be easy. But my job has been so demanding and I know Laurens wants more from me than I can give. Lately I’ve felt like it’s all falling apart. If I can make it through this summer and be fine without him, what if we realize that we are better off apart? I couldn’t bear it, Eliza.” He grabbed her hands urgently and looked into her eyes. She could see his panic bubbling to the surface. “If he wanted to leave me for good, I’m not sure that I’d survive it.”

She squeezed his hands tightly. “He would never do that Alexander. Every day I see the love and devotion he feels for you. It is no more possible for him to leave you than it is for you to leave him. You two are helpless for each other.”

He sniffed and drank more of his tea. “Thank you, Eliza. I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

She smiled and patted his leg. “I thought Laurens already had this conversation with you about exactly how much you deserve.”

He smiled and looked away. “Yeah,” he said fondly, thinking back to that conversation. _I could give you the world and it would still not satisfy the depths of what you deserve._ “Yeah, he did.”

Eliza shook her head kindly and stood up. “I will be upstairs if you need me, Alexander. Please do not hesitate to seek me out.”

Alexander watched as she retreated up the stairs with her mug of tea. He smiled and walked over to his desk. He took out the key for the drawer and fiddled with the lock until it popped open. Inside he took a stack of letters out and brought them with him to the couch. Alexander spent the next few hours reading and rereading everything Laurens had ever written for him.

At first, Laurens had written one sentence replies to Hamilton’s pages upon pages of correspondence. Gradually as they began to become a more cohesive whole, Hamilton’s letters became shorter while Laurens’ grew. By the time he got to the end of the stack, Laurens’ letters were occasionally longer than his own. The thought made him smile.

Eliza came back down that evening to help Hamilton with dinner since Laurens was the one who usually did it. They made comfortable conversation but it lacked the ease the he usually felt with Laurens. Eliza carefully avoided the topic though, and after dinner she left him to clean up as she ascended to her rooms.

The next weeks dragged on slowly. Hamilton stayed up too late and woke up too early. He worked hard on his financial plan and he felt like the pressure was closing in on him. He thought of what it would mean for him to fail—he would lose his job, lose his dream, lose his legacy, and most importantly he would disappoint Laurens. With that in mind, he steadfastly continued his work.

Every night that he came home to an empty house, his heart slowed and sagged under the weight of his disappointment. He felt listless as he wandered the house. He tried to read in front of the windows but he missed the press of Laurens’ body against his. He tried to eat dinner but he missed the sparkling laughter that seemed to pour out of John’s lungs. He tried to sleep but he felt restless imagining the press of Laurens’ lips and the curve of John’s body into his own.

After nearly a month of Laurens being away, Alexander was a mess. He was tired, in need of sleep and a shower and food that he couldn’t bring himself to eat. He felt like he was falling apart at the seams.

So it happened that in those very moments of weakness, a Miss Maria Reynolds showed up at his door. At first he regarded her with confusion, but in an effort at hospitality he had invited her inside. She explained her story to him and his heart twisted. He offered her a loan and when she had tried to tell him that he was being too generous, he insisted. She took the money and politely accepted his request to walk her home. He felt oddly worried about her safety. He, too, knew what it was like to have no one to turn to. These days, Laurens was much too far away to be of any immediate assistance with his problems.

When they arrived at her house, Hamilton wasn’t sure what compelled him to follow her inside but he did regardless. She looked over her shoulder at him with a sly smile. Something like panic clawed at the inside of his chest, and he wanted nothing more than to run away, but his feet remained rooted to the spot. She grabbed his hand and led him to her bed. He stumbled after her, not really understanding and understanding all too well at the same time. When she let her legs spread and smiled, telling him to stay, he backed up until his back hit the door. She ignored the panic in his face and pulled him forward again. Her touch felt nice. He imagined Laurens’ hand on his and the way his fingertips loved to roam over every inch of Alexander’s body. He closed his eyes and for a second, he felt pleasure boil up inside his stomach as he imagined that it was John’s fingers on him and John’s lips instead of Maria’s. When she tugged at his belt, he closed his eyes tighter and fought down the urge to vomit. If he could just pretend that she was John, this would be all right. He wouldn’t have to run away and he would satisfy all the parts of him that were desperate for John to finally touch him again. After all, how many sleepless nights had he spent just waiting for an opportunity like this? And John would never have to know.

_John._

_Oh god, John._

He felt the panic return as he began to realize exactly what he was doing. As he felt Maria’s fingers dig into him, he imagined the disgust, the hatred, the disappointment on John’s face. He nearly threw up right there. He could feel the tears on his face as Maria continued to squirm on top of him. As he pushed her off of him slowly, she sighed in pleasure and turned over on the bed. He wiped at his face and tried his best to clean himself up. As soon as she seemed to still with sleep, he pulled on his clothes and ran out of her room. He didn’t stop running until he reached Eliza’s room. He knocked desperately on the door, a mess. He was sobbing, tears running down his face with red splotches burning his cheeks. Snot plugged his nose and his hair was a wild mess from where he pulled at it urgently, looking for something, anything to do with his hands.

Eliza opened the door and immediately her face went through a series of emotions. Her shock gradually receded into concern and fear as she pulled him into a tight hug.

“Shh, Alexander. It’s all right, Alexander. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He pushed her away. “No, no, don’t touch me. You can’t touch me.”

She just grabbed him again and pulled him closer, heedless of his protests. In their struggle they both fell against the wall and slid down it. Eliza still held him tight, trying to dry his tears with the edge of her nightgown.

“Alexander. Breath. Listen to me, Alexander.” She gripped his shoulders tightly. “In and out, in and out.”

His breathing calmed down marginally, going from panicked to agitated. She patted his back lightly.

“Tell me what on Earth is going on, Alexander.”

He was silent for a moment, struggling with words that wouldn’t seem to come out. “John,” he eventually choked out, more tears running down his face. Eliza wiped those away, too. “I was missing him so much. His touch,” another sob racked his body. Eliza held him while they waited for it to pass. “His mouth, they way he felt,” me managed eventually. Eliza ran her fingers through his hair, trying to gingerly untangle it. She nodded for him to continue. He pressed his forehead into her shoulder.

“Eliza,” he said, desperation evident in every aspect of his voice. “This woman came to my door today. She asked for a loan. He husband had been abusing her, he left her all alone.”

“Poor woman,” she muttered. Alexander squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

“I offered to walk her home but when we got there, she took me to her bed and asked me to stay.” His whole body was shaking and Eliza was torn between being horrified and wanting to help the desperate Alexander in her lap. “I wanted to run away, or vomit, or just disappear. I regretted all of it the second that she said those words. But then I closed my eyes and she ran her hands over my arm and pulled me back towards her even though I had been backing away and with my eyes closed I could pretend it was John and _oh god,”_ he choked on the words, his horror mingling with his voice. He started to dry heave and Eliza pulled his head back and smoothed a hand over his chest until he calmed down. He grabbed Eliza’s hand and tried to convey everything he was feeling with only his eyes. “I just miss him so fucking much. And when she put her lips on mine, with my eyes closed, it was like she was John. Like he had come all the way back from France just to touch me again. It was like he loved me enough to _stay_.” Eliza pulled him down onto her shoulder and let him continue to cry. When his sobs started to die down, she pushed him back.

“Look, Alexander. This can’t happen again. You have to swear to me that this won’t happen again.”

He shook his head vigorously. “ _Never,”_ he spat. “Never again.”

She placed an approving hand on his shoulder. “I think you should tell John, though,” she said, quieter this time.

His eyes went wide and panicked. “No, no,” he shook his head and his whole body started shaking again. Eliza went back to making gentle, calming circles on his back. “You don’t understand, Eliza. He _trusted_ me. If I tell him what happened, he’ll never want to see me again.”

“Maybe you’re right, but just imagine how much worse it will be if he finds out on his own.”

“He never has to find out. No one ever needs to know.”

Eliza brushed his hair out of his forehead and sighed. “You are a grown man, Alexander. I won’t tell you what to do, but just that I think you are making a mistake.” After all, Laurens was her friend, too. She wanted them both to be happy.

She sat there, slowly rocking Alexander until he fell asleep in his exhaustion. She brought a pillow and a blanket into the hall and used a wet cloth to clean the tear tracks off his face. He looked agitated, even in his sleep.

Of course, that wasn’t the last time it happened. About a week after the first time, Maria came around again. He wanted to scream at her to leave him alone but when she put her hands on him and smiled slyly just like Laurens as she pushed him into the bedroom, the words died in his throat. He tried to remind himself that she was not Laurens, that her eyes and ears and voice and body were different. But every time he looked into that face, he saw Laurens staring right back at him, and when had he ever been able to say no to Laurens?

He didn’t go to Eliza after that. Each time it happened, he locked himself in the bathroom and puked in the basin until nothing came out and then he sobbed, desperately. He thought about the bed he let Maria into, the place where he and Laurens slept. This was the very bed that Laurens’ mouth used to worship him on, the bed where they poured out their souls to each other in, the bed where Laurens had first looked at him, eyes shining, and said without preamble, “I am deeply, tragically in love with you, Alexander Hamilton”.

At some point he knew it had to stop. A letter came from James Reynolds, threatening to tell his wife. He didn’t care so much about that. He wasn’t exactly pleased about the thought of Eliza’s disappointment, but at some point he had stopped caring. He rarely ate anymore, and he definitely didn’t sleep. Any time he closed his eyes he was haunted with the image of Laurens, sad and angry and walking away. But he knew Laurens would be back soon, his letters said as much, and the most important thing was that he never find out about Maria.

He stayed up all night practicing all the different ways to say no to her. He paced around the room and spent hours constructing mental barriers and a constant image of Laurens’ face as he realized what Alexander had done played throughout his mind the entire time.

When morning arrived and he heard a knock at the door, he nearly jumped out of his skin. Resolutely, he headed toward it and opened it slowly. Maria Reynolds stood there in all her glory. Hamilton shook his head.

“This has to stop, Maria.”

She stared at him, shocked for a split second before slipping back into her perfectly charming demeanor.

“Please, sir. I’ve been disowned. I have nowhere to go. No one who loves me.”

She pushed a hand against his chest, forcing herself into his house. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it,” she said as her long fingers and manicured nails scraped across his throat. He felt his lungs failing again and he knew he only had one chance to get this right. But before he could force the words out, her lips were on his and he was closing his eyes and feeling Laurens’ body pressing against him. She guided him to the bed and the half of him in control followed her eagerly. She slipped his coat off his shoulders and onto the floor. The rest of his clothes followed. She kept her dress mostly on this time, and he knew that meant that she would leave soon afterwards and be on with her day while Hamilton sat over the basin and puked out the dying parts of himself.

True to form, she rolled off him when they were finished and put her undergarments on. She waved at him and left the room and he sat in silence as he felt the disgust begin to fester. Then he heard raised voices at the door and he was worried that Eliza had found her but then all went silent again for a long second. Hamilton held perfectly still, naked in the bed, the sheets crumpled and draping over his lower half. His hair was slick with sweat and his skin smelled like her perfume. He prayed that Eliza didn’t walk in on him like this. There was silence for another long beat and Hamilton wondered if he had just imagined it—a conversation with the postman or the like. Then the door opened slowly to reveal a distraught Laurens. Hamilton’s breath caught in his throat. He was sure that he really was going to start vomiting but he managed to keep his breathing calm and even.

John refused to meet his eyes. He stared at the rumpled sheets and at Hamilton’s clothes, discarded on the floor. He glanced around the room, looking like a man who had just seen the person he loved most in the world die right in front of him. Perhaps that was exactly what happened, in a way. For all intents and purposes, the Alexander Hamilton he knew and loved was dead. Because that Hamilton wouldn’t do something like this, wouldn’t sleep with a random woman and leave it so out in the open that Laurens, who came home a few days early because he was missing Hamilton so much, ran into her on the way out.

“I can explain, Laurens. Please just listen to me,” he pleaded. Laurens hated that he could hear every ounce of desperation in his voice, that every quaver in the sentence lent credence to his plea. He didn’t want to give Alexander the time of day, not now. What had he said, right before he left? _I trust you, Alexander._ Hamilton tried to keep talking but Laurens couldn’t listen, not now. He held up a hand to stop Hamilton before he even started. He glanced down at the floor and then back up at Hamilton. He took in his shiny skin and mussed hair. Finally, he met Alexander’s eyes.

John looked broken, his eyes were overflowing with sadness and grief and betrayal. The anger and the hurt manifested itself in the tears that poured down his face like heavy streams. He took one look into Alexander’s eyes and searched for his answers. He found nothing. Everything was carefully blank. Eventually, with barely subdued anger and infinite sadness, Laurens spoke.

“Put on your fucking coat, Alexander,” was all he said. Hamilton blanched and slid out of bed, stepping into his pants and throwing on his coat. He tried to approach John but Laurens held his hands out. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he said, but it sounded closer to a scream. “You smell like her,” he admitted quietly, as if the admission was the most shameful thing to ever fall from his lips.

Alexander pulled back and stood away from Laurens. They stood in silence for a few seconds, but to each of them it felt like hours.

“I love you, Alexander. Still. Probably always will. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, or if I even want to, but I will always love you. I just need time, okay?” He was sobbing the words as if they physically hurt to say. “I just need time, Alexander.”

Hamilton nodded. He felt horrified with himself and with John. By all rights Laurens should have walked away as soon as he saw. Hamilton hadn’t even expected him to stay as long as he did. But now this admission sunk deep into Hamilton’s heart. It squeezed and pulled at the inside of his chest until he felt some odd combination of grief and longing and sadness. Laurens was too good for him; he had always known it. He had even told Laurens that, but John had just smiled at him and told him that he deserved more than John. He was wrong. He was so wrong. Alexander didn’t deserve John at all. He wanted to run away, to cry, to throw up.

He stayed still. His feet wouldn’t let him move. He watched as John turned and left the bedroom. He stayed as he listened to Laurens’ heavy footsteps on the stairs. He stayed as he heard Eliza’s muffled voice mingling with John’s sad mumble. He stayed after the sun set and the noises upstairs had long since stopped. He stayed as Eliza stormed downstairs and yelled at him in a whisper because she cared enough to try not to wake John, who was sleeping upstairs. He stayed as Eliza slapped him, hard and stinging across his cheek. He wanted to tell her to do it again, keep hitting him. It was what he deserved after all.

She didn’t.

She looked him in the eyes and held his face in her hands. She wiped away tears from his cheeks that he didn’t even realize were there. She smoothed his hair out and walked him to the bed. What she didn’t do was hit him or hurt him or tell him that he would never get to see John again. A strange mix of relief and anger flooded his chest and he closed his eyes against the onslaught. Eliza stripped the dirty sheets off the bed with distaste and laid a clean blanket down for him to sleep on. She nudged him down onto the bed and he did as she indicated, curling into himself against the cool mattress. Pressing a cool hand to his back, she rubbed slow circles.

“You don’t deserve him,” she said quietly. Hamilton didn’t bother to protest. It was true after all. “I thought you did. I thought you both deserved each other. I was wrong,” she said, quieter this time. An admission to herself rather than to Alexander.

He curled in on himself even more until he was in the fetal position. He limbs were aching and sore and his mouth was dry. His stomach grumbled and he willed it into silence. He knew that his ribs were starting to protrude but lately he had been getting rid of food faster than he could put it in. Eliza stayed there, sitting next to the bed and rubbing circles onto his back until he finally fell into a restless sleep.

When he woke the next morning, the events of the day washed over him with startling clarity. He felt sick, but his stomach had nothing left to give up so he pushed himself off the sheets and padded into the kitchen to make himself some tea. He tried to will his nausea down and breathe. Time, that was all Laurens had asked for. Time. He could do that.

He looked down and realized he was only wearing his pants. His shirt had been lost at some point and he stared down at his concave stomach and pale skin that seemed almost stuck to his ribs. He felt like he should cover up but he didn’t have the willpower to do so at the moment. He heard movement as he was making his tea and he turned around to find Laurens standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He looked at Hamilton and glanced away, obviously upset by the turn his health had taken.

“Eliza tried to explain to me what you told her. I think I understand. Most of it anyway.”

He stepped forward toward Hamilton and he felt like he should be scared of the look in John’s eyes but he was calm as he watched him approach. John held out a hand and let soft fingers trace dip of his stomach from his ribs to his hips. He shook his head sadly.

“I never should have left you. None of this would have happened if I had just stayed here.”

Hamilton took John’s wrists carefully. “No. This is my fault and my fault alone. Don’t blame yourself for my weaknesses.”

John pulled his hands away and wiped at his eyes. “You imagined that it was me who was touching you when that woman did it? That’s why you kept letting her come back.”

Hamilton squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He smiled sadly. “I never could say no to you, Laurens.”

Laurens leaned forward and let his forehead fall against Hamilton’s shoulder. He let Alexander wrap tight arms around him as he cried and cried until his throat hurt and his eyes felt dry. When he pulled back, he could see that Alexander had been crying, too.

“John,” he said, begging Laurens with his eyes to understand, “I never meant to hurt you. What I did was selfish and awful and trust me, I’ve paid the price.” He gestured at his bare chest and stomach, his gaunt eyes. “But please believe me when I say that I love you and I never wanted to hurt you.”

Laurens nodded and clenched his jaw. He seemed to want to look everywhere but Alexander’s eyes.

“I love you, too, Alexander. Like I said, I just need a little time to process all of this.”

He gestured vaguely around and Hamilton watched silently as he turned and left the room. It wasn’t until he heard his footsteps hit the top of the stairs that Hamilton moved from his spot. He went into the study and drank his tea as he read a book. It felt empty but he had work to do. His life was falling apart and yet the world kept spinning like it always had, with no heed to his pains. He stared resolutely at the words on the page and refused to think about anything else. After all, _life goes on_.

++++

That night, unable to come up with any way to convince Jefferson to let his plan onto the congress floor, and with nothing better to do now that Laurens was gone from his bed, Alexander left the house and walked down the dirty streets until he reached a familiar looking house. He knocked on the door twice, sharply, and waited patiently until the bleary eyed figure appeared in the door.

“Good evening, Mr. President.” He smiled and gave Washington a small wave.

“Hamilton?” Washington shook his head as if trying to dispel an image. “What are you doing here?” 

“I needed to talk to you, sir.”

“About your financial plan?”

“Among other things.” He grimaced and looked Washington in the eyes. The man probably already had a pretty good sense of what was going on between him and Laurens but Alexander was still hesitant to talk about it.

Washington seemed to understand because he simply stood to the side and waved Hamilton in the door. Alexander moved to the dining table and Washington went to the kitchen to make tea for the two of them. He set the cup down gingerly in front of Alexander and sat on the other side of the table so he was facing Hamilton.

“What is bothering you so much, my son, that you came all the way to my door at this late an hour?” He asked fondly.

Alexander took a sip of his tea and started at the table. “Certain aspects of my personal life have led me to the conclusion that I cannot sustain my current method of attack. In order to get my plan passed, I need to compromise with Jefferson. Do what Burr always said—talk less and smile more.”

Washington leaned back, perfectly gentlemanly. Alexander hated that, sometimes. He sat, head hung and shoulder slump. His skin was pale and vaguely discolored. It stuck to his bones gauntly. But Washington just sat there, looking for all the world as if he had descended from a throne, not risen from a bed. He took in Hamilton’s complexion and sighed.

“Aspects? What aspects, Alexander?”

The silence was more pronounced this time. Hamilton continued to stare at the table.

“Laurens,” he admitted finally. “Laurens refuses to see me.” The words came out in a sort of choked whisper. He ran a hand over his face and tried to calm himself.

Washington shook his head. “My son, I am sorry. I know how much he meant to you.”

“No,” he said immediately, defensiveness clear in his voice. “You can never know how much he means to me—no one can. I love him with unfathomable depth.”

Washington settled his hand on Alexander’s. They were heavy and rough. Sometimes Alexander forgot that Washington had seen just as much war and blood and hardship as Alexander had.

“Son, what happened?” Washington was calm and collected. Alexander hated that, too. He felt like he was falling apart inside, like if even for a second he let his carefully constructed control slip, he would break into a thousand pieces.

“Laurens went to visit Lafayette.” Washington raised his eyebrows like he wanted to ask about Lafayette, but he restrained himself. “He was away for so long and I missed him so much. A woman came by, and she reminded me of him. His touch, his everything. I was so desperate for him that I was willing to let an imposter into my bed. Repeatedly.” He took a deep breath and forced his tears back down. “When he found out, well... He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

Alexander looked up and he could see shock on his face, buried under layers of composure.

“Alexander, what you have done to Laurens, it is unspeakable. Is he gone forever?” It was blunt, and Alexander felt his heart crack more under the weight of the words but he more than deserved that. After all, it was the truth.

“Not forever. He told me he needs time. He loves me but he needs time.” The words came out in a panicked rush. Anxious and attentive, Alexander scanned Washington’s face for any clues.

Washington just shook his head sadly. “Laurens is a better man than you, my son.”

Alexander nodded, managed to choke out the words. “I know.”

At that, Washington’s face softened and he pulled Alexander up by his arm. “It is too late for you to wander home by yourself. Especially in this state.” He guided Alexander to the guest room. “Stay here tonight and tomorrow I can arrange your meeting with Jefferson. Would you like Burr to be in attendance?”

Hamilton shook his head as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t want him to see me like this.”

Washington squeezed his shoulder. “All right. I will arrange it. Sleep well, Alexander. You need it.” And with that, he left the room and closed the door behind him. Alexander stared up at the dark ceiling and sighed. At this point he didn’t even try to sleep anymore. He tried to make his mind as blank as possible and waited for morning to arrive.

He climbed out of bed as soon as the sun began to spill light into his room. He walked into the kitchen to find Washington already awake.

“You didn’t sleep, I see.” The accusation was quiet but still there.

Alexander shook his head. “I haven’t been able to for a while now.”

Washington brought him a cup of tea and set it down on the table. Alexander eyed it with distaste.

“I contacted Jefferson this morning. He has arranged a dinner over which you are to discuss your financial plan. I believe that Madison will also be in attendance.”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Tonight?”

Washington nodded as he took a sip of tea. “7 o’clock. The dinner is at the venue on the corner of Broadway.”

Alexander pulled on his coat. “Okay. I need to get home, I have a lot of work to do.” He gave Washington a weak smile. 

“Take care of yourself, Alexander. I care about you, my son.”

Hamilton smiled tightly. “I’ll try,” was the only response Washington got before Hamilton slipped out the door and back into the streets.

That night, Alexander met Jefferson outside the restaurant. He had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach but he knew that this was the first step in getting his life back so he went inside and fought with everything he had. He used smiles and slick compliments to convince them that his financial system for the nation’s capital was a fair trade. He pressed and pressed and pressed until they gave him everything he wanted and more, all served up on a silver platter. At the dinner, Jefferson had been amiable, but towards the end he saw the man frowning, as if he knew he was being slighted but he just couldn’t figure it out. With a signed document outlining the intention to pass Hamilton’s financial plan, he finally relaxed. As soon as the dinner was over, he ran home, excitement and glee flooding his senses.

He stopped short of the door and let his hand rest on the knob. He remembered that he couldn’t just run inside and tell Laurens everything. They wouldn’t have wine and celebrate with warm kisses and drunken twirling. That night he wouldn’t curl into Laurens’ body and feel the happy _thump-thump_ of his heart and the press of his lips on Alexander’s ear as he said “I love you, I’m proud of you,” over and over again.

 He let his fingers dance slightly on the cool metal. He was tired of living a life without Laurens. He was tired of thinking about John’s sad, broken eyes. He wanted to eat and sleep again. He wanted Laurens to hold him tight and tell him it would be okay. Alexander was done falling apart. He had done what he had set out to do as the Treasury Secretary. Now he needed to do what he should have done a long time ago and fix things with the only thing in his life he really cared about—Laurens. Resolute, he turned the knob and ran inside. He took the stairs two at a time until he reached the top.

He saw Eliza first. She looked at him with surprise.

“I need to see John. I have to fix things. Now,” he said urgently.

She looked like she wanted to argue but she stepped aside and pointed down the hall to the study. Alexander raced down the hall and opened the door. Laurens was pouring over a book. He didn’t look up when Hamilton entered.

 “Hey, Eliza,” he said lightly. Hamilton didn’t respond. The sight of seeing Laurens again after so long had left him breathless. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. Hamilton had to force back tears. Laurens finally looked up when the silence stretched on. His smile faltered when he saw Hamilton standing in the doorway. His eyes filled with pain and sadness. He looked away quickly.

“Alexander,” he said softly. “What are you doing here?”

Alexander ran forward and dropped to his knees in front of Laurens. He gently took Laurens’ hands in his own.

“John,” he said softly, urging Laurens to listen to him. “We can make this work. Let’s get a little place uptown and figure it out. It’s quiet uptown, we’ll be fine uptown.” Hamilton knew he was babbling. “Please, John. I can’t do this without you. Just trust me.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Laurens’ face went stony and he tried to pull his hands away. Alexander kept a tight grip.

“I _can’t_ trust you, Alexander. I think you’ve proven that quite well.” The accusation was filled with sadness and grief. It broke Alexander’s heart to hear the way Laurens’ voice cracked as he said it.

“Then believe in this then. Believe in the only two things in this world that we know for certain—first, that I love you and second, that you love me. Please, John. I want this to work—I _need_ this to work. All you have to do is say yes.”

Laurens looked down at Hamilton, on his knees with Laurens’ hands in his. It looked for all the world like a marriage proposal. Laurens’ eyes sparkled.

“Yes, Alexander,” he said quietly. “Yes, of course.”

Alexander really did begin to cry with relief then. Laurens pulled him forward and held him against his chest, rocking the slowly back and forth.

“I missed you so much, John.”

Laurens wanted to be angry, wanted to yell at him that it was his fault. Alexander had no right to be upset. _He_ was the one who broke Laurens, not the other way around. But instead, John ran his fingers through Alexander’s hair and sighed softly.

“I know,” he said, barely audible. “I missed you, too.”

That night, in Eliza’s guest bed with Laurens, Hamilton let John rest his head on Alexander’s chest. They barely slept, their bodies still full of wound up tension, but Alexander still felt like it was an infinitely better night than any of the past few months.

In the morning, they told Eliza about their plan to move uptown. She smiled and kissed Laurens on the cheek.

“It’s quiet uptown. You’ll like it uptown,” she said. “But I’m afraid I’ll miss you. Both of you.”

She pulled Alexander into a hug. “It works out, though. I’ve been wanting to start an orphanage for a while. I think now is the best time to do that, so you won’t have to live in a house filled with tiny children bursting in on you all the time. And now Alexander has an answer for why we don’t have any children of our own.”

She looked genuinely excited and they were both happy for her. They smiled.

“I meant it, Eliza,” Laurens said. “You really are a saint.”

“Good luck,” Alexander smiled. Sometimes he wondered how one person could fit so much love and joy inside herself.

She waved at them from the balcony as they loaded their luggage into the carriage.

 

++++

  
The first few days together were tough. They were beginning to get used to having each other around again, but Laurens’ mood was constantly changing. Sometimes he didn’t want Alexander to leave his sight, while other times he wanted Alexander nowhere near him. Sometimes he wanted Alexander to hold him and never let him go, other times he actively avoided his touch.

But overall, they began to fall back into a normal relationship. They had dinner together and talked about their day. They went out for drinks together and read together in front of the fire. Some days they walked around town, a little too close together but not caring very much. Some nights they even kissed, slow and yearning, under the cover of darkness. Usually it was after enough alcohol and sleeplessness that they both could focus on the feeling of each other’s lips instead of the imposter that Hamilton had shared a bed with.

They never made it past kissing. Even after a month, Laurens’ kisses were full of grief and anger. Whenever Laurens pulled away suddenly during a kiss, Hamilton knew that something he did had made John think of his infidelity, and the look of pure pain on John’s face always broke him. He would always pull himself close to Laurens’ chest and sob, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” over and over again.

John’s response was always the same. His eyes softened and he wrapped his arms around Hamilton, whispering. “I know, I know. You’re doing everything just right.”

They would fall asleep like that, long after their throats had become sore and their tears had dried. The morning sun would wake them up as it spilled over their faces and they would look at each other, happy and full in the knowledge that each day gets to be better than the last. At some point, Hamilton realized they were falling together faster than they were falling apart.

Washington came to visit them, sometimes. He would tell Alexander everything about recent politics in exchange for information on Lafayette. Namely, when exactly Lafayette would be in New York again. For that information, Washington promised to keep Hamilton’s position open on the cabinet for as long as possible.

“Although,” he said, “I’m stepping down next year. I’m not running for president. This country needs to learn how to have a democracy, not a dictator. Besides, Alexander, I am tired.”

Washington smiled sadly and patted Alexander on the back. Alexander’s eyes were soft, and Laurens grabbed his hand and squeezed encouragingly.

“Well, sir. It has been an honor to serve under you,” he said magnanimously. Sadness tinged the edges of his eyes.

Laurens leaned forward and pulled Washington into a hug. He laughed softly.

“Do you two realize how ridiculous our lives have become? We defeated a global superpower so we could build a new nation. Hamilton and I have been through hell and and back and made it out still holding hands. The President of The United States has a huge ass crush on our dear friend, Lafayette. And at some point along the way, Washington basically adopted Hamilton as his new son.”

They all laughed this time and Washington’s cheeks were flushed red from being called out.

“I think you may have proven my point, Laurens. I need the time off—if only to reevaluate my personal life.”

Laurens intertwined his hand with Hamilton’s and smiled up at him. “I don’t know, sir,” he said, staring softly into Alexander’s eyes, “having someone by your side makes the world a better place.” He turned back to Washington. “And I’m sure that Lafayette would be more than happy to be that person.”

Washington blushed again but smiled, wide and genuine. “Maybe you’re right.”

Eventually they said their goodbyes and Washington left. Once the house settled back into silence, Laurens took both of Alexander’s hands and turned to him. He breathed deeply and let his eyes slowly settle onto Hamilton’s.

“Alexander,” he squeezed Hamilton’s hands lightly. “I forgive you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. You were Eve, tricked by the lying serpent. I was too busy playing an angry god to step back and realize that sometimes humans make stupid mistakes—it doesn’t mean they have to pay with their livelihood. Besides, I could never stay angry at you for long, Alexander.”

Hamilton’s face was filled with shock and delight. “Now,” he warned, “If you ever do _anything_ to violate my trust again, I will walk away from this thing we have or die trying, Alexander.”

The heavy weight of the threat settled into the room and Hamilton nodded solemnly. “Never, John. I know you can’t trust me right now when I say that, but I hope to be able to prove that to you with time.”

Laurens nodded and took a deep breath. He smiled slyly and, _oh,_ Hamilton recognized that look.

“Good,” John said. “Now I’m going to fuck you, Alexander, and I want you to tell me that you’re mine. All mine.”

Hamilton nodded and swallowed thickly. The words were hard to get out. “Okay,” he said. “I’m all yours.”

Laurens smiled and began to push Alexander back into the bedroom. “Good. Now,” he said forcefully, “take your fucking coat off, Alexander.”

This time, Hamilton smiled and did exactly as he was told.

 

++++

 

They stayed uptown for more than a year. Alexander founded a newspaper and wrote for it regularly—a job he could still do with Laurens’ head in his lap. John was content to simply help Alexander with his work. Taking care of Hamilton sometimes felt like a full time job, anyway.

In all that time, they never left each other’s sides. Everything they did was done together or not at all. They knew it probably wasn’t healthy—in fact Hamilton was sure of it—but it was what Laurens needed in order to feel safe in their relationship and Hamilton would have given anything for that.

Eventually, however, their hiatus had to come to an end. Alexander was getting antsy without the work and Laurens was missing the city. Plus, there was an enormous public outcry, urging Hamilton to either endorse Burr or Jefferson for the presidency. So they travelled back home, back to Eliza, and back to the city.

Eliza welcomed them with open arms back into her house. She promised that the children from the orphanage upstairs would not bother them—she had locked the doors to their part of the house and explicitly told the kids to stay away.

Alexander was excited to be back home, Laurens could tell. He was less enthusiastic—the prospect of sleeping in their bed again for the first time since Alexander brought the imposter there did not sit well with him.

They made it through it though, and after a few days, it felt perfectly normal for Laurens to settle into that bed against Hamilton. Coming home also meant coming back to Alexander’s crazy workload, though, and Laurens watched as his Alexander suffered through many sleepless nights trying to decide who to endorse.

In the end, he settled on Jefferson, a choice that Laurens wasn’t happy about at all. Burr was his friend, a good one at that while both of them despised Jefferson. Alexander was resolute, however, in his thinking that Burr stood for nothing and that doing so was harmful to the political system. He would rather endorse someone he had _never_ agreed with than someone who shared his opinions simply because Burr was not always willing to take a stand like Alexander. Laurens thought it was petty and stupid, but he hated to argue with Alexander. When they started yelling and their cheeks flushed red, Laurens would turn around, take a deep breath, and concede the point.

Once, Alexander accused him of never being willing to fight for the things he cared about since he always seemed to concede to Alexander with hardly any argument. John had whipped around and grabbed him by his collar, slamming him into the wall. His eyes were angry and his cheeks were bright red.

“Don’t you dare, Alexander,” he had said warningly. “Sometimes I refuse to argue with you—not because I don’t care about anything enough to fight for it but because I care about _you_ more than any petty issue. Nothing is worth coming between us, Alexander. I love you and I won’t let our tempers get in the way of that.”

Hamilton had deflated beneath his fingers. “You’re right, John,” he admitted quietly. “I’m sorry.” He hung his head and John smiled, backing away.

“It’s okay. I just wish you wouldn’t treat me like another politician for you to debate against.”

Alexander’s face softened and he pushed strands of hair away from Laurens’ face. “I know, love. I’m sorry.”

After that, Alexander never questioned why John always refused to debate with him.

When the news came out that Hamilton was endorsing Jefferson, thereby ensuring him the presidency, Burr was livid. He stormed into their house the next morning and startled Laurens out of his place curled up against Hamilton. Burr looked between the two of them for a second before he shook his head and focused back on Alexander.

“Hamilton, how could you endorse Jefferson over me? I thought we were friends.” His tone was strained, and Laurens only stayed where he was instead of going to comfort Burr because of Alexander’s gentle but insistent arm holding him back.

“This isn’t about friendship, Burr. It’s about politics. I have never agreed with Jefferson, but at least he stands for something. You stand for nothing, Burr, and that is the most destructive political force there is.”

Alexander’s tone was measured and restrained. Laurens knew that if he wasn’t there, Alexander would probably have already set a time and date for a duel. As it stood, Burr was the one to suggest it.

“No, Alexander. This is about your long held malice for me and my ways—don’t try to make it into something else. You have slighted me for the last time. I demand a duel at dawn, one week from today. We’ll settle this once and for all.”

His eyes stared steadily at Alexander and Laurens struggled against Hamilton’s arm. He wanted to get in between the two of them, say something, do something to make them stop being such colossal idiots, but all he could think of was the image of Alexander dying at the end of a musket over and over again. His words died in his throat and it took all his self restraint to keep tears from spilling out of his eyes. If Alexander noticed, he didn’t show any sign.

“Fine, Burr. You’ll get your duel. Now leave us before my dear John has a panic attack.”

Burr sneered at them. “Why, Alexander, it almost seems as if you care about Laurens more than your own wife.”

Alexander’s stare was steady and fierce. “You know that I do, Burr. Laurens is far more than I deserve and I will do anything in my power to keep him here with me. Now leave, Burr.”

Burr nodded solemnly. “A half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole. Laurens will never leave you, I have known that since the day I first introduced you. Just remember that on the day of the duel. I’m curious to see if either of you can survive separation.”

And with that, he left. Hamilton quickly turned to Laurens and pulled him close to his chest.

“Why can you never back down? Why can you never learn to take you time, Alexander?” Laurens sobbed out. “I can’t lose you, I can’t do it. If you die, I’m nothing.”

Alexander stroked his head softly. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll aim for the sky. Burr’s a good man, he’ll do the same.”

Laurens tightened his grip and buried his face in Alexander’s chest. “You better be right about that, Alexander. I love you, and Burr is my friend. If either of you die, I will never forgive you.”

John felt a hot tear from Alexander’s cheek fall onto his forehead but neither of them said a word, they just held each other tightly and prayed for everything to work out.

 

++++

John spent every hour Hamilton was away pacing around the house, head buried in his hands and trying to make his heart stop its desperate panic. When Hamilton came home, Laurens stuck to him like glue. He held Hamilton’s hand or curled against him or intertwined their feet under the dinner table. Hamilton realized how much clingier Laurens was being and he knew exactly why, but he had his mind made up and so he let if go on without comment. He wasn’t about to deny Laurens the one thing that was currently comforting him. At night, Laurens refused to kiss him. John would ball the fabric of Hamilton’s nightshirt in his fists and yank on it, keeping their bodies pressed close together. He would breath deeply against Alexander’s skin and try to memorize everything about the moment—the way Alexander smelled, the way his skin felt, the soft sound of his heart beat. He took it all and stored it all away because some part of him just _knew_ that it would probably be the last time he’d ever get to.

Two days before the duel was set to happen, Laurens showed up at Burr’s office to beg him to call it off.

“Please, Burr, I love Alexander so much. I can’t lose him. I need Alexander and your daughter needs you. Just call off this petty duel,” he pleaded. His eyes were swimming in helplessness and panic tinged the edges of his voice. “You are my friend, how can you do this to me?”

Burr’s eyes widened and then he turned away and pressed his lips together. “No. I can’t back down now. Alexander would never let me live it down. It would be the end of me. I cannot let him take yet another thing from me.”

Laurens blinked back tears and let his hands fall slowly to his side. He lifted his gaze up to Burr’s and held it there challengingly.

“No. I’m afraid you don’t understand, Burr. I _cannot_ allow you to take Alexander from me.”

The threat rang clear and Laurens didn’t bother to wait for a response. He turned and left the office, fueled by anger and resolve.

The night before the duel, John held Alexander in his arms. He tried to keep his breathing steady but every now and then a hiccupping sob would push through his throat and he would convulse against Alexander. Hamilton would merely hold him tighter until the worst had passed.

“Alexander,” he pleaded softly, “please tell me what I can do to talk you out of this.”

Hamilton’s muscles tensed. “Nothing, Laurens. All you need to do for me is be brave. I need you to stand next to me tomorrow morning and be brave for me.”

Laurens clenched his fists. He wanted to punch Alexander for being so dense. “Alexander,” he said, pushing himself up so he could look Hamilton in the eyes. “Let’s get one thing straight. You do _not_ get to run away from me—from this. There is nowhere you can go that I won’t follow. If you die tomorrow, do so in the knowledge that I am coming with you. If you can’t bring yourself to care about your own life, at least try to care about mine.”

Alexander pushed him down and pinned his shoulders to the couch. His eyes were blazing like Laurens had seldom seen lately.

“I love you, Laurens. So much. But if I die tomorrow, do not throw away your shot. There’s a million things you haven’t done. Just stay alive. Please, no matter what happens, just stay alive.”

Laurens stared into Hamilton’s eyes. “Get off me,” he said. Hamilton looked confused. “ _Get off_ , Alexander,” he said, more forcefully this time. Hamilton looked down and back at Laurens. He quickly scrambled off and watched as Laurens stood from his place on the couch. There was a fire in John’s eyes—the likes of which Hamilton had never seen. He looked like he wanted to slap Alexander right there but he restrained himself. Hamilton knew that John would never lay a hand on him with the intention to hurt. In that way, like many others, he was the better man. Laurens stared at Hamilton for one more second before he turned and walked out the door. Hamilton wanted to call out for him or go after him but the darkness of the streets had swallowed him up and Alexander was almost afraid of what he would find if he went looking. Instead, he turned and walked back to the bedroom.

He didn’t sleep though. He could rarely sleep these days without Laurens next to him. Just before dawn broke, he pushed himself out of bed and began to get ready. It was cold and wet in the early morning light. The soft grass squished under his feet as he waited for Burr to show up at the dueling ground. He tensed when he saw a figure approaching in the distance. It felt surreal, the idea that he might die today.

But when the man got closer, Alexander saw that it wasn’t Burr. In fact, it was Laurens. He felt elated and disappointed at the same time. Of course his heart felt lighter every time he saw Laurens, and especially now, but he had almost hoped that Laurens wouldn’t have to watch today’s events go down. John walked up to Alexander and stood next to him. Neither of them said a word, and Laurens seemed remarkably tense. It was to be expected, Alexander supposed. He hadn’t even expected Laurens to show up after all.

It was less than ten minutes later when Burr finally showed up. There was very little small talk. They each took one of the dueling pistols and stared each other down. The question was up in the air whether either of them still wanted to do this. They each gave each other a small nod to begin the proceedings. Alexander could feel Laurens’ cold eyes on him. Carefully, they both counted out ten paces and turned around slowly. Alexander had his gun aimed for the sky. Burr didn’t seem to notice. His arm was shaking but it was definitely pointed at Alexander’s ribcage. Hamilton barely had time to register it before the guns went off and he fell to the ground. He was bruised from the fall, but otherwise it seemed as if the bullet had missed him. Then reality fell back onto him and he looked over at a squirming Laurens. There was a bullet lodged in his right shoulder and the wound was bleeding profusely.

He ran over to Laurens who still seemed shocked. Alexander could already feel hot tears spilling over his cheeks as he grabbed Laurens’ hands. The doctor came over, too, while Burr’s second led him away from the scene. Hamilton was glad, he couldn’t bear to see the man, not with the love of his life dying in front of him because of the bullet that Burr had shot.

Laurens smiled up at Hamilton dazedly. “Hey, I told you that you’re not allowed to leave me.”

Alexander laughed softly through his tears and squeezed Laurens’ hands. The doctor asked Hamilton to pick Laurens up and take him to the boat. Gently, he cradled John in his arms and began to walk.

“No, no. I’ll never leave you, Laurens. And you can’t leave me either. Just stay alive, baby. You can do it.”

In the boat, he laid Laurens out across him. He kept going in and out of consciousness.

“Stay alive, John,” he screamed, desperate and painful. He yelled it over and over again until his voice felt raw and his tears made it hard to see. “Tell me doctor,” he demanded softly, “is he okay? Is he going to survive this?”

The doctor shook his head. “He’s lost a lot of blood, and he’s at risk of developing an infection. It’s too soon to know, sir.” There was a tiredness behind the man’s eyes that Hamilton understood.

Laurens put a shaky hand up to Alexander’s face as they rowed even harder across the water. “Hey, hey. I did exactly what you said, Alexander. You asked me to be brave. I did exactly what you said.”

Alexander brushed the hair out of Laurens’ face softly. “I know, I know. You did everything just right.” His voice sounded broken and shattered, as if the bullet had ripped through him and not Laurens. In a way, it had cut a hole in both of them.

“I love you, Alexander,” John said weakly.

Hamilton grabbed frantically at his arms and tried to shake him awake. “Stay alive! John, Stay alive!”

He wasn’t waking up and the doctor pushed him out of the way and instructed him to take up the rowing. Alexander suppressed his roiling emotions and took the oars. All he could think about was Laurens dying. What if Laurens’ last words to him had been _I love you, Alexander_ ? And what if the last words he ever got to say to Laurens were not _I love you, too,_ but a forceful scream of _stay alive_? He wanted to take it back, wanted to take it all back and listen to Laurens when he cried against Alexander that very first day and begged him not to engage in such a petty duel. If he had done that, maybe they wouldn’t even be here and John would definitely still be alive.

“He’s alive,” the doctor said at last. “But barely. We need to get him inside and stop the bleeding immediately.”

Alexander completed the last few strokes it took them to get to shore and they hurried into the nearest building. He laid Laurens down carefully and took up position next to him as the doctor tended to his wound. The doctor occasionally sent him off the get water or rags, but he always came right back to sit next to Laurens.

“Anything, John. Please I’ll do anything, just stay alive. You are my whole world,” he sobbed, “I can’t lose you. Just stay alive. Please,” he whispered, broken and desperate. He had almost lost John once already and now he was about to lose him again and it was going to be all his fault. _Again._

John didn’t respond. He was deep in sleep. He stayed that way all night and Alexander stayed by his side the whole time. When dawn cracked through the windows, Hamilton realized it had been more than 24 hours since he had last slept. He glanced down at his still unconscious Laurens and sighed. He would stay up as long as it took, but Laurens _would_ wake up. Hamilton didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t.

The doctor came by an hour later and checked on Laurens. He shook his head grimly.

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing more I can do. I don’t think he’s going to make it, my boy.”

The expression fell off Hamilton’s face. Laurens had to live, he just had to. “No,” he said quietly. “He’ll live. He has to.”

The doctor shook his head and placed a hand gently on Alexander’s shoulder. “My boy, I know you love him but please don’t do anything rash.”

With that he left. Alexander didn’t bother to watch him go. He only had eyes for Laurens. Gently, Alexander maneuvered Laurens so that he was settled on the far edge of the bed. Hamilton then slid into the bed next to John and curled up with his face next to Laurens’ lips. He listened quietly for the sound of John’s struggling lungs.

They stayed that way for another three hours. The sun was high overhead and heating the inside of the house nearly unbearably. Reluctantly, Hamilton slid out of bed to get a cold cloth for Laurens because he was starting to feel feverish. When his feet hit the floor, however, a shaky hand reached out and encircled his wrist. Laurens cracked his eyes open and Hamilton looked over at him in shock.

“You’re alive?” Alexander eyes were wide and Laurens smiled tightly.

“Alexander, you should know by now that I’m not going to leave you.” He tried to sit up but as soon as he moved his arm, he grimaced. Alexander pushed him gently back against the bed.

“No, you stay there. If you feel up to it, we should go back into the city. I don’t think you lost too much blood but we should put something on the wound to stop any infection.”

Laurens nodded and Hamilton scooped him up into his arms. He held Laurens so that his wound moved as little as possible. John smiled up at him.

“Am I your bride, Alexander? You look like you’re about to carry me over the threshold.”

For a split second a smile slipped past Alexander’s worry. “I think we got married a long time ago, Laurens.”

Laurens nodded and Hamilton thought that maybe he wasn’t totally aware of what was going on. “You’re right, Alexander. I still have the ring, from when you asked.”

Alexander kept walking but he stared down at Laurens, confused. “Oh, yeah?”

Laurens nodded his head vehemently. “Yeah. Remember when Eliza ‘lost’ her ring? Well she didn’t really, she gave it to me. She said that I deserved it more anyway since when you ‘proposed’ to her you were staring at me and when you got married you stared at your best man the whole time instead of the bride. I know you were wishing it was me in her place.  Maybe in a different world I could have been your bride.”

Alexander leaned forward and kissed Laurens on the forehead. “In a different world,” he echoed, testing the words on his lips. “Laurens,” he decided quietly, “if you can stay alive until we get home, I will marry you. It’ll be just the two of us and it won’t be official or anything but we’ll get Eliza to officiate the ceremony and that’ll be enough.”

“Yes,” Laurens smiled as Alexander set him down in the waiting carriage. “That would be enough.”

Alexander held on to Laurens tightly for the entire journey back to the city. Laurens was pale and sweaty by the end of it, but he managed to stay mostly conscious for the whole ride. Alexander toted him up the front steps and back into the bedroom. He went and got Eliza and with a slightly panicked edge, she rushed out to find a good doctor. Alexander played nursemaid for a while, cleaning John’s wound and mopping his fevered brow.

“Come on, John,” he kept whispering. “If you can make it through tonight, we’re home free. The first 48 hours is the worst part.”

Eliza and the doctor came back shortly, and Alexander tried to busy himself with making tea and cleaning up while the doctor looked over Laurens. He watched as the man spread turpentine over the bullet hole and cleaned up the wound nicely. He stitched it up while Alexander held Laurens’ shoulders down to keep him from squirming. Once a clean bandage had been applied, Laurens seemed much healthier than before. His skin was less pallid and his thoughts seemed more defined. The doctor left shortly after that with the assurance that Laurens would make it through the night and that he’d be back tomorrow to check on him.

Alexander smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Laurens’ lips. Gently, he slid into the bed next to John and pulled the blankets over them both. John’s fever seemed to have reduced substantially and Alexander sighed as he settled against his much cooler skin.

“You’re going to make it through this, Laurens. I’m so glad you’re going to survive this. I love you so much and when you were dying, I thought I’d never get the chance to say that to you. I thought the last thing you’d ever hear would be my screams.”

John shook his head fondly against the pillow. “Oh, Alexander,” he said softly and brought his hand up to stroke Hamilton’s cheek. “I already know you love me. As I lay dying, I want to hear you screaming and fighting for me with everything you have. I don’t need you to waste your breath on the things I already know.”

Hamilton sighed happily. Laurens thought he looked like he was falling in love all over again. It made John nostalgic for a time that seemed so long ago, back when their lives had been simple, back when they hadn’t been talking about marriage and death and children. Alexander must have seen it in his eyes because he sat up and stared down at him intensely. For a second, there was silence, and then Alexander hopped off the bed and began to rummage around the room. When he found what he wanted, he knelt by the bedside and offered up the ring to Laurens.

“Marry me?” He asked quietly, his voice infused with immeasurable love and affection.

John took the ring from him slowly and slid it on his finger with a look of bemused wonderment.

“I have been all yours since the day I met you, Alexander. Of course I will marry you.”

Alexander smiled brightly. John had never been able to say no to that look, that smile. One look at Alexander and he was helpless. But he knew the dangers of being around Alexander from the moment he first saw him and that never stopped him from chasing after exactly what he wanted. Sometimes being head over heels in love did not make for the best judgment, but Laurens was sure that in this case it led to the best decision of his life.

“Good,” he said quietly and slipped back into bed. He blew out the candle and left them in darkness. Only pale strips of moonlight illuminated the room. “Tomorrow then. We’ll do it in the morning”

Laurens nodded. After all, he had already given himself to Alexander in every other way. It seemed only right to offer this to him, too.

++++

Eliza was ecstatic when she heard the news. She rushed around the house making preparations and directing the orphanage children around. By noon, Hamilton had Laurens in his best suit and had begun to don his own. Eliza popped her head in the door as Alexander was putting the finishing touches on their outfits.

“Everything is ready when you are, Alexander.” She smiled brightly and Hamilton wondered if in another world he could have loved her like he loves Laurens.

Alexander took Laurens by the hand and led him into the sitting room. It was all cleared out and there was a small pedestal at the front of the room. Eliza had placed chairs along either side and an aisle down the middle. Children old and young were scattered throughout the rows and Eliza stood at the front looking pleased and beautiful as always. They walked hand-in-hand down the aisle toward the front.

It was pretty standard as far as weddings went. They said their vows, placed the rings on each other’s fingers, Eliza said the words pronouncing them as husbands, and then they kissed and it was wonderful and magical and more than either of them could ever have imagined.

The children cheered and Eliza squealed happily. They threw rice and flower petals around them and for a second both of them forgot everything they’d been through together. They forgot about Maria and they forgot about the duel and they just kissed. It was simple and beautiful and they wanted it to last forever.

Eventually, though, they had to break apart. The magical feeling stayed with them for the rest of the day though, and they were reminded of it every time the felt the heavy weights of their rings on their fingers.

A month later, John was healing nicely and Alexander had surprisingly managed to smooth things over at his job. They had late night conversations on the nature of their domestic life that consistently strayed to the idea of having a child of their own. At first both of them were hesitant to bring it up, but eventually they considered it in earnest.

They brought it up to Eliza some weeks later and she beamed at them like they had never seen before.

“You should adopt,” she said brightly. “There’s so many kids here who need a good home.”

She looked wistfully over at the kids playing in the sitting room. Her eyes lit up suddenly and she directed them to a side room. There was an infant kicking softly in a woven basket. They peered down at the little girl, swaddled in a light purple blanket with healthy pink cheeks.

“Someone left her on the stoop this morning, the poor girl. I haven’t even gotten around to naming her yet. But I could leave the honors to you if—”

John had already lifted the baby out of her basket and was rocking her against his chest.

“Oh Eliza, she’s perfect.” He smiled blissfully down at the baby girl and cooed softly. She giggled and kicked her feet. Alexander ran a comforting hand down John’s back and watched him gaze at the child with such love and affection it just made him come undone.

“Oh, look at her,” he said fondly. “Oh John, she’ll knock you down, you’ll fall apart.”

Eliza wiped joyful tears from her eyes and smiled. “I’ll go get the paperwork for you. Since Alexander and I are still married, technically, it would be in your best interest to have the adoption done under Laurens’ name.”

They both nodded. Whatever it took, they were going to make this beautiful little girl their own.

++++

Two years later, they still had no regrets. Their little girl, Elizabeth, whom they had named lovingly after Eliza, toddled around the room and John watched after her fondly. Alexander sat next to him and rubbed his back lightly.

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe that she’s ours. I feel so lucky to have her, to have you. I feel as if my life could not get more perfect.” Alexander smiled against John’s neck and pressed a kiss there.

“No. I want for nothing, Alexander. This is _our_ legacy _._ This is us planting seeds in a garden that we will never get to see, this is us writing a few notes at the beginning of a song that will be sung for us, this is us making a person that will outlive us. We have to make it count.”

Alexander nodded. “Don’t worry, Laurens. Elizabeth will be amazing. I have no doubt that she will make sure everyone knows her name. She’ll knock them out, they’ll fall apart. The world will never be the same.”

 


End file.
